I am inspired.
Unfortunately, I am NOT a good multi-tasker.
I can do one thing well. What thing is that, you might ask? It’s whatever I am most focused on at the time.
I can home school my children and teach them in ways that make their little minds open and swell and burst with information and excitement over things learnt and tried.
I can disciple them and bury God’s word into their souls, pray with them, and try to open their eyes to grace. However, I can’t do that and have an immaculately clean house.
I can have a tidy, organized home with everything in its place, no dust on the mantle, clean windows bereft of smudgy toddler fingerprints, and ringless toilet bowls. The kids rooms can have fresh linen kissed sheets, vacuüm tracks, and organized drawers. The surfaces wiped and clutter free.
But I can’t have all of our business records marching single file under the little plastic tabs labeled with taxes, employee records, invoices sent out, and our check book balanced and important calls made.
I can have a healthy home cooked meal on the table at 5′ o clock sharp, grocery list checked off, meal planner set out with each indexed recipe and breakfast and lunch planned for the next day with ingredients prepped and ready to go.
But I won’t have showered, put makeup on and be dressed in clothes that I could actually answer the door in. I can’t have spent time at the park on a sunny day, or enjoy an impromptu picnic with friends. I can’t take an emergency meal to a friend in need or spend an extra few minutes talking to a chatty grocery checkout lady because she seems like she could use a smile.
I can wake up in the morning with the achy soreness that comes from a great workout. I may be unable to lower myself down to the toilet without holding the walls for support after spin class and hover squats but I won’t be able to practice opening my house to others.
I won’t be able to sew a dress for my daughter’s birthday, or throw off lesson planning in the evening to linger over night time stories and extra snuggles. Or go on a date night with my husband without shirking off some thing that is always vying for a spot as my top priority.
I won’t be able to spend individual time with each child making sure they know their special place in my heart.
All things that I want to be good at. All things that I want to dedicate a chunk of time to but the slots are constantly overfull. All things I aspire to. Why can’t I do them all? Why can’t I do them all well?
I think I have discovered the answer after years of constant effort with little return. I simply can’t do them a little at a time. I can’t do the good enough version of the less important things and move on. That’s it. It’s all or nothing and sadly, it’s often nothing. I focus so wholeheartedly on one thing that everything else becomes imbalanced. The small steps to set up routines and faithfully plod away is not in my all or nothing vernacular, so I often set myself up with expectations that are impossibly high for any one woman to accomplish.
The high calling I inflict upon myself never gets answered. There’s just too many lines ringing at the same time.
So, I am taking steps to narrow the focus, eliminate the ‘too much’ breakdowns that occur frequently around these parts. The “I just can’t do all this!” that comes from trying to juggle perfection with too little coordination causing it all to crash down around me.
Since I am all about action because dreaming dreams still means you’re probably asleep, I will tell you my plan to reduce the ‘too much’ into the just right and maybe this high calling I feel God has inspired me to as a Christian wife, mother, crafter extraordinaire, writer, daughter, homemaker, teacher, friend, and business owner will actually get answered.