Hello Mornings, You stink. Sincerely, Alia

I am not a morning person. I have an aversion to waking when it’s still dark outside. I’m like some nocturnal creature that burrows deep into the covers and nests in the pillows. By morning, I have made a comfy little spot for myself, all warm and toasty.  I find the time it takes to get school started with my kids keeps getting later and later because mommy needs to sit and hold her coffee cup and everyone just needs to leave her alone and make no sudden moves until that caffeine takes effect.

coffee photo by C C-K flickr

Why is morning so evil? Ummm, because I stay up way too late. I have claimed the time at night as my own. It’s my precious. After the kids are in bed, I fight going to bed like a cranky toddler. It’s my “me” time.  I write posts, work out home school lessons, sew, read, clean. It’s quiet and no one requires anything of me. I’m sapped after a long day homeschooling, cooking dinner, cleaning up the house, and constant interaction with the kids.

I don’t usually study my bible, pray, exercise, or spend time with the Lord at night because I just want to decompress. He’s gotten nudged out of my schedule. And even the things I do enjoy doing I’m often too tired for so it usually boils down to Pinterest, Facebook, reading blogs, or writing posts. I force wakefulness until I finally relent and fall asleep only to be intruded on in the morning.

I have had the conviction to get up and establish a morning routine but that alarm clock has a very convenient snooze/off button and I can accurately push it without even opening my eyes. I know I need to do  it but parting with my night-time has been a very difficult thing to do.

We are more likely to impact our families with a morning on our knees than a late night on the ‘net.    Kat- Inspired to Action

Hello Mornings Challenge

So I joined the challenge. I made nice with my alarm clock. I resisted the snooze button and it was awe inspiring.

No, it was not!

I was groggy all day, I slogged through the study. I had a headache and felt withdrawal symptoms upon leaving my cozy bed.

I read my accountability groups post on their breathtakingly  blessed times with the Lord, their invigorating morning workouts, their renewed zeal for the shepherding of their children’s hearts. And I resisted the urge to post a snarky comment and crawl back into bed. 

Because here is the honest truth for me. I knew it wouldn’t be lovely and wonderful at first or I would have done it all along. My body is in shock reacting to the morning like some foreign thing. My time with God was awkward, like meet and greet at church, mumbling introductions and making small talk, only with eye boogies, wrinkled jammies, and morning breath. 

So why do I say all this? Because the payoff isn’t always immediate and that’s o.k. I know God has called me to be present and intentional for my kids in the morning, to spend time with Him, and to be a better steward of my body. There is no way I can do that with my current schedule. I am committing to this for the long run, not for the immediate benefits which so far amount to a splitting headache, foggy brain, and some possibly incoherent posts as I adjust my writing schedule. If you wake energized and enthusiastic, more power to you! I’m not criticising you if you have been blessed right from the get go. Although, I might think it secretly in my brain early in the morning, just excuse me. I know not what I do before 8 am and coffee.

sunrise by SFB579 flickr

For me, it will be an acquired taste. A retraining of my body and mind and a commitment to persevere for the sake of my convictions, not for the glorious sunrise or euphoric feelings of the sleep deprived. The feeling of my toes hitting the cold floor in search of coffee wouldn’t be worth it if God didn’t promise to come through in the long run. 

Inspired To Action Button

How to Go the Distance.

I’m a sprinter. Being that I lack coordination and  fall down while standing still, other sports were pretty much out of the question. Run real fast in that direction. Ok, I can do that. Run and kick, shoot, dribble or catch something… not so much. So, I ran the 25 and 50 yd dash. That’s it. No hurdles, no batons, no distance, and I was good at it. Really good.

Run

When my coach decided it would be a good idea to cross train in the off-season and suggested (told me I had to) do cross-country I did. It was misery. Six to seven mile runs with hills and inclines and dirt. I am not a “go to your happy place kind of runner.” I hated every second of it. The only endorphins I felt were when I quit cross-country.

Although, I have long given up running track, I am still a sprinter. Instead of finish lines I have goals ,ambitions, and projects. I always start with that heady rush of adrenaline and surge that propels me out of the blocks. I always have inspiration and ideas and energy.

The problem with living life as a sprinter is you can only cover short distances. But the obstacles, trials, and worthwhile goals are rarely short. They are marathons. Distances that need perseverance and stamina.

Something which a sprinter lacks.

Those plans to lose weight, get organized, or wake up early to have a devotional time all require a longer, steadier run. It can’t be fueled solely on enthusiasm, because that runs out.

I find myself halfway through organizing my junk drawer and then begin to lose steam so things are in chaos because I couldn’t just start small. I had to pull everything out to sort it and then decide to rearrange all the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen. Now there are piles everywhere until I can muster up that energy to just finish it by stuffing it all back in.

I start an exercise program with spinning, weightlifting, and P90X and last a week.

I decide to wake up at 5am to study the word, shower, and cook a gourmet breakfast for my family. That lasted until my alarm went off the next morning.

The biggest problem with being a sprinter is learning to pace myself. If you pace yourself in a sprint, the race will be done before you hit your stride. You give it everything you’ve got. But I’ve got to learn to stretch it out through the duration rather than using it all at the starting line.

I am an all or nothing sprinter but I’m trying to retrain myself to a slower pace.

Instead of 3 hour workouts and buckets of sweat, I’ll be content to just get 20 minutes in a day, even if sometimes it’s just playing with my kids outside or turning on Wii sports.

Instead of 5 am, I will accept waking at least a half hour before my kids so I can be with God. As for gourmet breakfasts, I will be content with a pot of oatmeal and some fruit.

I’ll still make goals, have ambitions, and start projects but at this pace, hopefully I’ll also get to finish them.

33 and Making New Friends

friends

I don’t make friends easily.

Before you get images of me not playing nice with the other moms or as some  socially awkward no- sense- of- personal -space kind of person,  it’s not so much that I can’t. I can, I really can. Not that I don’t have my awkward moments, but it’s not lack of ability, it’s more a lack of desire.

It’s just that  it’s so hard.

 There’s a reason my sisters-in-law are my best friends. These were relationships cultivated over 13+ years and from which I had no escape. After all they were family. I was bound to see them again and again.

We had our trials. My sister-in -law Anna and I actually got into a food fight once. And before you ask, we were in our twenties and no, it wasn’t funny at the time. It involved a Subway ham sandwich, two very overtired moms of toddlers, finals week, and some heavy-duty PMS. Needless to say, it passed and we can now laugh at the absurdity of it all but at the time I never wanted to see her again. And that might have been the end of it except, it wasn’t. She was family. My mother in law watched both of our children while we were in school. I carpooled with her. We had classes together.  We ate dinner with them at least once a week. Awkward!  We both had to humble ourselves and  kiss and make up. And I’m so glad we did. She is one of my dearest friends.

It is so easy to cut our losses when we begin friendships. If you are like me, an introvert, making friends is tiring.  I feel a tiny twinge of relief when plans are canceled and I can change into my jammies and climb in bed instead. And though most people would never guess it who know me, I am actually really shy. This is a bad combo when it comes to forming new relationships.

Making friends means getting to know someone and letting them get to know you. It’s a process. It’s getting past the small talk, finding common ground, finding grace for the differences. It’s quieting my cynical voice that finds fault in so many, myself included. It’s letting your guard down.

It’s vulnerability. Something I’m really bad at.

It’s the cliché of all the emotionally unavailable. I’ve been hurt.

I’ve had friends betray me. I’ve had those close to me hurt me. I’ve grown into my scars.

But now I have Jesus, Healer, Redeemer, Maker of all things new

and He requires more

COMMUNITY

RELATIONSHIP

FELLOWSHIP

It costs.

He created us to be in fellowship with one another. It’s one of the ways he refines us. It’s the process of rubbing up against others that sands down those rough edges.

The friction that refines. 

So here is my action plan

  • I will invite someone over for coffee or meet them at Starbucks if my house is a mess.
  • I will invite someone over to dinner once a month.
  • I will not automatically think of all the  things I have to do when someone invites me to hang out.
  • I will practice hospitality.
  • I will work on making friends.
  • I will play nice and try not to invade your personal space.
  • I will promise not to judge your grammar, your children, or your taste in movies.
  • I will be obedient to God’s prompting and allow myself to be available.
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