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Why I’m Called to Community and You Are Too

There are so many things standing in the way of developing a community. Here are some excuses in no particular order.

1. I am an introvert, people are draining to me after long periods.

2. I homeschool so my days are filled with lesson plans, constant questions, diaper changes, snack times, and exhaustion. Basically the definition of long periods.

3. My house is messy because there are three children here with books and papers and poopy diapers and crumbs, so many crumbs. I don’t want people to see the stack of dishes, the trail of graham cracker crumbs on the carpet or the layer of dust resting comfortably on every available surface. I love a clean house, and I don’t mind cleaning, but it never stays clean for long. And it’s in this state that the house usually exists, semi-messy, non-company ready. If you don’t see my house you may think I have it all together. I don’t but it’s a nice fantasy.

4. I am tired. I am busy. I have a blog. I run a business. I stay up way too late. My to-do list never gets shorter. I don’t have time.

5. I am content to be alone for long periods of time. Of course this is all in theory, since I usually have trouble getting a minute alone just to pee.

6. I don’t enjoy superficial talks or chit-chat but I love to sit and hear your story or share my heart. But usually you have to chit-chat a bit first and I am shy and that part makes me feel like I’m in middle school. I know, I have issues.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy people because I truly do, I just don’t need that much interaction to feel fulfilled.

I am fiercely loyal to those who have endured and pursued me long enough to have our stories intertwine.

And yet, I haven’t been able to shake this conviction that I am called to pursue relationships and community to a greater degree than ever before.

I wrote in January of my commitment to pursuing relationships and made several personal goals in that regard. And as the months have gone by and very few of those goals have been met, some because of illness in our family or scheduling conflicts, I’ve reasoned that the only one missing out on the blessings of community was me. And I honestly didn’t feel a great need. I just felt God telling me that I needed to do it.

Me as a child, just sitting, thinking.

And then it hit me. I’ve had it all wrong. I have been so self-focused thinking that community and relationships were something I was supposed to pursue to fill a need in me. All I could see was how God was going to use community to heal my hurts and surround me with people who would encourage and challenge me. And sure, I’d encourage them too , but really I was thinking about how new relationships would affect my life and happiness. And since I was already content with my current relationships, the motivation had been lacking. Plus, I have at least 6 really good excuses. Or kind of good excuses, sorta.

But maybe this isn’t all about me. Maybe I feel called because I am supposed to be a friend to someone else. Maybe that conviction to form community isn’t even about me , it’s about someone who needs a place to come and breathe and share their story and be heard. Maybe it’s about meeting a need instead of ignoring it because it’s not an obvious need in me now. Maybe it’s about dying to my own selfishness and busy schedule and making room to allow God to use me, even if it’s just in the opening of my home. Maybe it’s offering my time and my heart to someone who needs it in hopes that a true community will be formed in the sharing of our stories, our lives, our hearts.

Maybe we all need each other whether we know it or not. Whether we like it or not.

Maybe we are called to be light and what good is light if there were nothing nearby to illuminate?

Maybe I just didn’t get it until now.

So, I am stepping out of my normal comfort zone. I am hosting an inRL meetup . It’s a girl’s night of sorts and I can promise treats and a mostly clean home.

There are meetups happening in 443 locations around the world so look it up and register for one in your area.

It’s guaranteed that God is on the move in the hearts of women, and if you’re in my area, please sign up because we will have chocolate and I am going to vacuüm my floors, and possibly dust things, don’t leave me hanging.

(in)RL, stands for In Real Life. It’s a way to connect with women in your community right where you’re at.

Sign up for a local meet-up, and on April 27, you’ll watch a kickoff webcast from your own home. Then the next day, April 28, you’ll gather at a local (in)RL community. You’ll watch live online content by the women at (in)Courage, eat a ton of treats, get to know some new friends and begin to build an authentic community. Consider it an intimate conference that you can attend from a comfy couch with new and old friends.

It’s only $10, which covers the cost of a t-shirt and a pack of beautiful Dayspring greeting cards.

Watch this video below to learn more. I hope you connect, because even if you’re not sure, someone could use your friendship.

inRL meetup

Comments: 29 Comments Category: Blogging, Faith, Relationship Tags: community, encouragement, friends, God, heart, hurt, influence, self image, service

Letters to My Daughter: On Humility and Grace

To my darling Kaia,

This is my last letter to you this birthday. I know it’s a lot to take in and after I read you these words, we will journey through the meanings together. This is the final thing I have to share for now.

Be humble. Humility will allow you rest. It will free you from striving to be perfect. It will keep you from masquerading as something other. It will dismiss imposters from your spirit and banish pride as you see yourself through God’s eyes. I’ve already told you that you’re beautiful and that God knew exactly what He was doing when He created you. Humility is not thinking less of yourself or some insipid form of insecurity, it is a true account of who you are as God created you.

Don’t ever downplay your beauty, creativity, intellect, or giftings. God created you with all of these and it grieves Him when we reject His creation of us, as something broken or deficient. Humility allows us to recognize them as gifts and to use them to glorify Him. When someone pays you a sincere compliment, accept it graciously, and carry it as a sign that a part of God is shining through you. Likewise, if you are humble and transparent and you see that God is pointing out things in you that need to be dealt with, humility will allow you to quickly repent and seek reconciliation.

Be teachable but discerning. Don’t just accept anything that sounds good, look at the source, weigh it with wisdom, not with pride. Always be willing to be corrected. It will save you so much grief if you remain pliable in God’s hands. Let His grace keep you malleable as He shapes you. Rigid dry clay crumbles to pieces but clay that’s held tight in warm hands remains supple and can form a masterpiece.

You extend grace so freely. When Nehemiah hits you after you’ve built him Duplo towers all day, or when Judah ignores you or hurts your feelings, or when mommy loses her temper and yells, you don’t fester in bitterness. You graciously extend mercy and forgiveness. I pray that I would be as quick to do so as you. Hold onto that, Kaia. It will cost you but the price is worth it. Give grace freely, expecting nothing in return. Knowing your reward is in heaven.

Extend grace, Kaia. Always extend grace. For in this life, we are much forgiven, and we should be quick to forgive. Extend grace when you are misunderstood. Extend grace when you are wronged and it hurts and it costs something of you. Extend grace when you would rather run away or ignore the problem. Extend grace to someone who is broken and hurting and needs to see God. And when you have extended grace and you think the cost too much, allow God to extend His grace to you and refill you with His abundant joy and mercy.

I pray you will have joy on this birthday, that you will be surrounded by love, and that you will treasure the things I have told you in your heart and that as each year passes, they will take root and you will grow in wisdom and maturity.

I love you so much, baby girl. You are a constant joy to me and I’m so proud to be your momma.

Happy Birthday, Boo, momma loves you.

I linked up with

Comments: 12 Comments Category: Faith, Family, Kids, Love Letters, Relationship Tags: daughters, faith, friends, God, heart, humility, moms, service

Letters to my Daughter: On Being Kind

To my beautiful girl on her 7th birthday.

My sweet Kaia,

This week, you will be seven. Burning in my heart are the things I long for you to know as you get older and blossom into a young woman. My hope is that you will return to these birthday letters as you grow and it will remind you of your mother’s love and desires for her most precious little girl. These are my words to you this year as you turn seven.

You are kind. Don’t ever lose that. This world will try to rob you of that quality. It will tell you that you need to think of yourself first. It will tell you that the hurts you get in this life would be less if you hardened your heart and didn’t let it feel such empathy. This world will tell you that to get ahead you need to toughen up. This world will tell you that it’s only important to be kind to those who treat you well. That you are not required to be kind to everyone. It will tell you that kindness makes you weak and easy to take advantage of.

But I tell you, sweet girl, that to get ahead in God’s economy, you are doing it right. You never grab candy at the bank, stickers from the doctor’s office, or a treat at the store without getting some for your brothers, even when they’re not there to see, even when they don’t thank you as they should. You never enjoy anything without wishing your friends were there to share in it. You let others play with your new toy, even before you’ve had a chance yourself. You graciously let others take their turn first, even when they pushed you to get in front. Your joy seems incomplete until you have someone to share it with, even when it means less for you.

Don’t let yourself become jaded by the ways of this world. Continue to be a good friend, thinking of their needs and serving them. Continue to be a peacemaker, and as much as possible, try to get along with everyone. This is not the same thing as saying try to please everyone. Don’t even bother, you will never please everyone and those who seek to make everyone happy, sell their authenticity for approval. People pleasers are the most tragic kind of fraud, because not only are they fake to others, they also rob themselves of the opportunity for real community, bearing one another’s burdens, and messy grace.

Being a peacemaker means you’re willing to relinquish your personal rights when you seek to understand another person. You are willing to listen, you are willing to try to see things through God lenses, you are willing to compromise on things that you want in order to protect relationships and people.

Being a peacemaker does not mean compromising on the things of God. That’s why it’s so important to know what the foundational things are. They are not which version of the Bible you read, whether you own a TV or homeschool, or if you vote Republican. Learn the difference. But of the true things, on those, stand firm.

Keep your feet planted in His word, and stand up for justice. Don’t let someone be bullied and friendless when you are around. Don’t ignore the tugging at your conscience when God is willing you to speak up against something that’s not right. Stand up and raise your voice about things that God cares about. Do not be afraid to offend people in these things, because the truth is, the gospel is offensive to this world.

Remember when you were in ballet and Miss Emily had you practice spinning around and each time you had a spot on the wall you were supposed to focus on as you turned? What happens if you don’t whip your head around and find that one spot? You get dizzy and fall down. Please God. Please Him alone and don’t worry about the rest. Let Him be your one spot. Let His be the only approval you seek. It’s the only way to keep your footing. It’s the only way to make your dance beautiful.