Finding Joy on the Journey in Faith, Family, and all Things in Between.
I might have been the one that hurt you. I might have turned away a bit as you were sharing your story. I may have broken eye contact and glanced beyond you when you were talking, making you feel small and invisible. You might have flushed red as I excused myself with an empty smile and moved on. I might have used you when I thought I'd stand a little taller on your shoulders and ignored you … [Read more...]
I went to a writers conference this past weekend and found my people. The people who love words and story. The people who feel creativity and imagination are divinely inspired. Within the diversified lineup of speakers, were a few I wouldn't have purposely chosen to see. For instance, William P. Young, who was a brilliant speaker and by all accounts a lovely, humble man, wrote The Shack, a book … [Read more...]
So I wrote the post. The hard one. The one that had sat in my soul for years but never put into words. But this was my chance. Somehow it felt easier to post it on a friend's blog. God and suffering. She had asked me to contribute a post. She loved the way I wrote about the pain and the beauty. I said yes. I would be honored. And then I thought of the suffering in my life. I paused over … [Read more...]
She curls her body into mine, as tightly pressed as she can get. She is all flannel nighty and honey shampoo and girl. And my words get softer as the story grows. I can never tell her stories and expect sleep. Once there were words spoken over her and her eyelids would flutter and weigh with slumber closing softly to the world but now she waits for each sentence and grasps holds, fighting back … [Read more...]
I was five when they told her I might die. My delicate spine bruised like a blooming flower in yellows and violets and then the dull brown of dying blood. It was this blood that was no good. The very thing we had in common. I lay in sterile pallor on the thin bed, crinkling under the sheet with the plastic covering, ready to be stripped down and reused again, should the bed be vacated by … [Read more...]
I can't scroll through my Facebook feed without several posts about a charity or a good cause popping up amidst details of silly things my friend's kids did, comical Pinterest pictures with sarcastic one liners, and high scores on Farmville. Each call to justice link beckoning me to like, and share, and join in the collective chorus of voices who should care about that specific need. … [Read more...]
I fear the tipping point when dreams placed within me become less about Him and more about me. Because I've seen it happen. I know it's ugly. I fear that the very makeup and fibers of my being are wrung tight and prone to catapult and tip lopsided and I sway under the searching of my heart. I want it clean but know the pain of having it scoured by Him. I fear the times when I shrink back from … [Read more...]
Something always proceeds greatness and I was trying to think of a time when I achieved something worthy of the name progress. There is only one thing. The thing that has always gone before me. The thing that has strengthened my spine tall to face challenges. The thing that has set my eyes on a clear path. The thing that whispered to me in the quiet hiss of doubt and shouted deep into … [Read more...]
"But doubt is wily and cunning and never, as it is sometimes said to be, loud or defiant. It is unassuming and sly, not bold or assertive - and the more unassuming, the more dangerous." — Søren Kierkegaard She's the strongest woman I know. I tell her this. She is strong and brave. I don't know if she believes me. She bats away compliments with the unsure smile formed by her mother's … [Read more...]
Sometimes it's uncomfortable to know they have read the very inner workings of your madness, your depravity, your grief. Sometimes your joy isn't yours alone but is shared with those who you've never even seen. And you wonder at it all. Where a click of a mouse can mean your life spread open. You want this, you've asked for it. Community, and being known, real and whole and true. And you wonder … [Read more...]
Sometimes I have too many thoughts in my head. Okay, most all of the time. I've looked into Myers Briggs Personality Types again as I've thought of dreams. I affirm the importance of knowing when you're in your element. In reading about all the types, I am beginning to see patterns where God has used me and directions where I feel He is leading me. I am an INFJ if you were dying wanted to … [Read more...]
I fingered the insert in the church bulletin with disdain. Seriously? A teddy bear tea party? I was 20 years old! Why was women's ministry so antiquated? The men's ministry was off to shoot clay pigeons for their gathering and we had to scrounge up teddy bears and doilies and nibble on soggy triangles of cucumber and miracle whip smooshed into crustless Wonderbread? I envisioned the … [Read more...]
I started this blog as a ministry to others. To share my stories and develop community here. I wanted to have a place to share what God was doing in my life. I wanted this to be a place where I was fearless. Where I could push past platitudes and be real and transparent. I had no idea this blog would minister to me more than to others. Last year at my blogging début, I chose one word … [Read more...]
There is something to be said about writing in and through. So many times we can't write out the words in the midst of our own pain, our own trials, and we are so immersed in our story that it's hard to get perspective enough to share it. And I get that. Sometimes we do need time to heal, to process, to let it breathe. But there is something about that perspective that is powerful which … [Read more...]
She sits crisscrossed on the bed next to me. Tears have trailed down, dampening my pajama top, and it's her tiny hands with the chipped sparkly polish that push back my greasy hair and grasp at my cheeks. She turns my head to face her, still clutching softly with her fingers. "I'm sorry you're hurting so much, mommy." And my heart breaks anew. Tears keep flowing and I murmur thanks for her … [Read more...]
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