encouragement - Narrow Paths to Higher Places

How to be a Good Friend

There are some things I’m pretty terrible at, like parallel parking. Lets just say, I’ll keep circling the block for another space, lest I take someones bumper off.

Anything related to hand eye coordination, pretty much not my thing. Or any coordination for that matter.

I am spatially challenged. Finding the right sized Tupperware for leftovers always leads to enchiladas spilling over the sides or enough room for the one slice of meatloaf to rattle around in the hollow and I have rearranged an entire room of furniture only to realize that the couch will absolutely not fit there and have to move it back.

But there are also things that I am good at.

I can make people laugh, usually at me. I have no shortage of embarrassing moments with which to put your mind at ease that there are indeed ways in which your life could be worse, or at least more humiliating. Walking around all day with your dress tucked up in your underpants. Done it. Just a little side note, if you see someone walking around with their Jockey bikini cuts holding half of their skirt up in the rear, please tell them.

I am honest, to a fault sometimes, don’t ever ask me something you don’t really want to know.

I am loyal. A friend loves at all times and once I call you a friend, I will. I can listen when you’re having a rough time. I can tell you the truth about how beautiful God made you and the areas where Jesus shines in you.

I have a special radar that senses when someone is uncomfortable or feeling left out and alone and I will rally around them to pull them in.

I can use my words to bring life and lift up.

I am good at being genuinely happy for the blessings and successes of those I love even if things in my life aren’t working out. I can love you and care for your soul.

But I am also good at sharp words spoken in haste. I am good at being cynical and seeing the downside to everything.

I am good at holding a grudge and being slow to forgive.

I am good at overreacting to stresses and feeling overwhelmed by demands on my time. I am good at being selfish with my alone time and not wanting to make an effort. I can be flaky and cancel plans often. I can hate commitment and being locked into anything.

I can choose isolation and solitude out of ease instead of pursuing community.

We choose. Each day we choose to be the better friend or the worse one.

We choose to love.

We choose joy.

We choose grace and forgiveness.

We choose to focus on the things that are good, that bind hearts and bring hope. We choose to overlook the things that break hearts and tears bonds. We choose to cover the flaws of those around us in grace and draw out the gifts that God has blessed them with. We choose what we will be good at, what we will practice and how we will respond.

Choose to be the kind of girlfriend that you would want your daughter to have. The one who loves her and cherishes her and never speaks words of hurt or jealousy. The one that tells her the truth wrapped in kind and gentle words when she needs to hear it. The one who never excludes her or plays games to manipulate her or uses her. The one who sees all the qualities that make her unique and beautiful and praises them. The one that has her back no matter what.

We can choose to look at friendship through love’s glorious filter. Or we can choose to be alone.

Choose to be a good friend.

What are some choices you’ve made in friendships? What are some of the things you know you’re good at or wish you weren’t good at? Are you choosing to be a good friend?

Comments: 9 Comments Category: Relationship Tags: community, daughters, encouragement, friends, joy

Five Minute Friday: Together

On Fridays we write with gusto, unselfconscious and flat out. You know the drill.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Together…

She kicks the blanket off and winds herself in tangles of princess pajamas and stuffed animals. Her perfect lips are puckered by her cheek squishing into her pillow pet, as if waiting for a kiss to wake her. At peace.

It gets cold at night in Oregon. I tuck blankets back around her tiny frame. Cover all the parts that would get chilled as the temperature drops through the night. I don’t want that peace to be broken by chilled toes.

Sometimes together means tucking in the edges. Sometimes it means making sure that the cold doesn’t chill bones, and souls and leave someone waking to the dark sting of night.

Sometimes it means that love covers a multitude of sins.

That the weakest most desperate parts of ourselves are insulated by warm hands and that while we were exposed, we were also covered. In prayer, in solidarity, in understanding and compassion. In friendship.

Love covers. Love lets us rest. At peace even when it’s the coldest dark.

We know we are covered in God sized grace and mercy through His blood, but do we also know that we are covered when we are together? When we do together right? When it’s right, no one gets cold.

Thanks to my friends, old and new who helped cover my heart this week as I struggle through certain issues in my life. You make together, right.

Comments: 12 Comments Category: Blogging, Faith, Relationship Tags: blogging, community, encouragement, five minute Fridays, friends, God

Why I’m Called to Community and You Are Too

There are so many things standing in the way of developing a community. Here are some excuses in no particular order.

1. I am an introvert, people are draining to me after long periods.

2. I homeschool so my days are filled with lesson plans, constant questions, diaper changes, snack times, and exhaustion. Basically the definition of long periods.

3. My house is messy because there are three children here with books and papers and poopy diapers and crumbs, so many crumbs. I don’t want people to see the stack of dishes, the trail of graham cracker crumbs on the carpet or the layer of dust resting comfortably on every available surface. I love a clean house, and I don’t mind cleaning, but it never stays clean for long. And it’s in this state that the house usually exists, semi-messy, non-company ready. If you don’t see my house you may think I have it all together. I don’t but it’s a nice fantasy.

4. I am tired. I am busy. I have a blog. I run a business. I stay up way too late. My to-do list never gets shorter. I don’t have time.

5. I am content to be alone for long periods of time. Of course this is all in theory, since I usually have trouble getting a minute alone just to pee.

6. I don’t enjoy superficial talks or chit-chat but I love to sit and hear your story or share my heart. But usually you have to chit-chat a bit first and I am shy and that part makes me feel like I’m in middle school. I know, I have issues.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy people because I truly do, I just don’t need that much interaction to feel fulfilled.

I am fiercely loyal to those who have endured and pursued me long enough to have our stories intertwine.

And yet, I haven’t been able to shake this conviction that I am called to pursue relationships and community to a greater degree than ever before.

I wrote in January of my commitment to pursuing relationships and made several personal goals in that regard. And as the months have gone by and very few of those goals have been met, some because of illness in our family or scheduling conflicts, I’ve reasoned that the only one missing out on the blessings of community was me. And I honestly didn’t feel a great need. I just felt God telling me that I needed to do it.

Me as a child, just sitting, thinking.

And then it hit me. I’ve had it all wrong. I have been so self-focused thinking that community and relationships were something I was supposed to pursue to fill a need in me. All I could see was how God was going to use community to heal my hurts and surround me with people who would encourage and challenge me. And sure, I’d encourage them too , but really I was thinking about how new relationships would affect my life and happiness. And since I was already content with my current relationships, the motivation had been lacking. Plus, I have at least 6 really good excuses. Or kind of good excuses, sorta.

But maybe this isn’t all about me. Maybe I feel called because I am supposed to be a friend to someone else. Maybe that conviction to form community isn’t even about me , it’s about someone who needs a place to come and breathe and share their story and be heard. Maybe it’s about meeting a need instead of ignoring it because it’s not an obvious need in me now. Maybe it’s about dying to my own selfishness and busy schedule and making room to allow God to use me, even if it’s just in the opening of my home. Maybe it’s offering my time and my heart to someone who needs it in hopes that a true community will be formed in the sharing of our stories, our lives, our hearts.

Maybe we all need each other whether we know it or not. Whether we like it or not.

Maybe we are called to be light and what good is light if there were nothing nearby to illuminate?

Maybe I just didn’t get it until now.

So, I am stepping out of my normal comfort zone. I am hosting an inRL meetup . It’s a girl’s night of sorts and I can promise treats and a mostly clean home.

There are meetups happening in 443 locations around the world so look it up and register for one in your area.

It’s guaranteed that God is on the move in the hearts of women, and if you’re in my area, please sign up because we will have chocolate and I am going to vacuüm my floors, and possibly dust things, don’t leave me hanging.

(in)RL, stands for In Real Life. It’s a way to connect with women in your community right where you’re at.

Sign up for a local meet-up, and on April 27, you’ll watch a kickoff webcast from your own home. Then the next day, April 28, you’ll gather at a local (in)RL community. You’ll watch live online content by the women at (in)Courage, eat a ton of treats, get to know some new friends and begin to build an authentic community. Consider it an intimate conference that you can attend from a comfy couch with new and old friends.

It’s only $10, which covers the cost of a t-shirt and a pack of beautiful Dayspring greeting cards.

Watch this video below to learn more. I hope you connect, because even if you’re not sure, someone could use your friendship.

inRL meetup