Finding Joy on the Journey in Faith, Family, and all Things in Between.
Disclaimer: This is a four part series on the blog covering issues involved in childhood sexual abuse and especially focuses on areas of prevention in your home. Please know this is a sensitive subject for many but I've felt moved to write this series over the next 4 days. This is not meant to inspire fear or panic in parents but to help inform them of steps they can take with and for their … [Read more...]
"Do you ever feel bad about yourself?" she asks, lashes swooping over her eyes. I turn from my mirror, mascara wand suspended mid-air. I am looking in the mirror at her, a reflection so beautiful and precious to me, my heart falls fathoms deep when I see those eyes well, wet with pain. Her face is flushed red with summer heat, and her braid has come loose leaving sweat kissed wisps of … [Read more...]
Last year I wound up hours of feeding my sewing machine cuts of fabric, pieced together to make something born out of my heart. I wrapped them in gift bags and added tissue. I wanted meaning in the gifts I gave. I didn't want to stand in long lines and drift down aisles shopping for things. I wanted to create something with my hours and labor and love poured into the dresses that would … [Read more...]
For the rest of her life she will be my little girl. My only girl. In a week, she will be 8 years old. Today, she clung to me in a moment of high strung emotion uncommon for her. As her sleepy eyes welled with tears and she pushed her face into the curve just above my hip, into the fleshy part of my side, the spot where she curls herself into when we snuggle for story time or she bruises her … [Read more...]
It's day 13 since I met my goal for my Dress for Change Project and as promised, I'm doing my first ever dress for the day link up. It's an interesting social experiment. My daily routine now includes picking out clothes, putting on makeup, and fixing my hair before we start school, run errands, or make breakfast. I guess pretty much what normal people do. I've been blown away by … [Read more...]
First a word on where my heart is. This was a post I wrote when I started blogging. I want to grow roots deep into the foundation of justice. It’s not enough to be aware of the things that should not be so. The things that cause moments of silence, and downcast eyes, and the “Oh, that’s such a shame, that’s so sad,” as we continue with our hearts blind to our … [Read more...]
I didn't cry much after you passed away. In all honesty, I felt a flood of relief as we sat watching. The nurse leaned over your hospice bed, cold stethoscope pressed to your chest, not needing to be warmed first. Your breathing had been labored and rattly, then shallow. Mom and I sat, sides touching on the couch, and when the nurse rose, draped her stethoscope back around her neck and … [Read more...]
Today I am blessed to host Emily Wierenga's beautiful writing. I connected with Emily when I started reading her blog and learned of her upcoming book, Chasing Silhouettes: How to help a loved one battling an eating disorder. She is an impassioned voice in the midst of so much confusion about eating disorders and body image. I relate to her words not as someone who battled anorexia but as … [Read more...]
Now that you are old enough to realize that marrying daddy is not a real possibility for you, and you are starting to ask questions. "When did you know you loved daddy?" "How did he ask you to marry you?" "Did you have boyfriends?" I want you to know about true love. The romantic kind, the kind between a man and a woman. The kind that I wish for you someday. I will answer all of those … [Read more...]
I had him all to myself on Sunday afternoons. I would sit through the laboriously long church service, distracting myself with the counting of pews or fantasies about getting up on stage and belting out some amazing tune, which with my singing voice, was really dreaming the impossible. My legs, scratchy against the rusty orange pilling dotting the 70's upholstered pews, would get tired from … [Read more...]
They are coltish, wobbling on strappy sandals, their wedges creating even longer legs, jutting from their teeny tiny shorts. They hobble along in clusters of three or four, their long hair cascading down their backs and brushing over bare shoulders. Their shiny lip-gloss sending off tiny glinting sparkles like confetti thrown at a party. They swing their pink striped bags jauntily. Victoria's … [Read more...]
To my dearest Kaia, I know you long for the letters to make sense, to unite themselves and speak to you. I know each syllable is a battle for you and I see you fighting. By the time you are able to read this well, you will have won the battle. You will have put in the hours of tracing your finger along the page and sounding out each painstaking phonics rule with your brows knit tight and the … [Read more...]
I didn't write on mother's day. I didn't write anything about my mom. I didn't write about all the things I love about her or the many ways she's blessed me. I didn't tell her that she is the most faithful woman I know. She had to be, to put up with us kids and my dad. I didn't tell her that the prayers she prayed for me during the years when I was lost and angry and wandering were … [Read more...]
There are some things I'm pretty terrible at, like parallel parking. Lets just say, I'll keep circling the block for another space, lest I take someones bumper off. Anything related to hand eye coordination, pretty much not my thing. Or any coordination for that matter. I am spatially challenged. Finding the right sized Tupperware for leftovers always leads to enchiladas spilling over the … [Read more...]
I can hear the soft rustle of her feet as she pads sleepily down the hall. I see tiny hands with chipped pink polish, lifting the blankets edge and then the softest wisp of a breathe on the side of my cheek as she nestles into the curve of my arm and settles where my heart beats. She is so beautiful to me. Her soft hair flowing over the pillow. He pulls up on the bed, grasping with tiny … [Read more...]
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