creativity - Narrow Paths to Higher Places

Blissdom 2012: Making friends and playing nice.

The first step of any introduction is always the hardest. Ok, well maybe that’s not always true because I have had some stellar awkward moments after the, “Hello, my name is Alia…,” but usually it’s true.

To avoid awkward moments in my middle school years, and ok, I admit it, even more recently than that, I appear distracted. This is the key to not seeming alone in an unfamiliar group or club. I would be searching my backpack for something, eyebrows knit in earnest concentration, while I rummaged about avoiding eye contact with those around me. Or I’d pretend to be working on something or make it seem like I was in a hurry and dash off to avoid being left out.

As you may have noticed from past posts, I have a thing (I’m working on it) about being needy or asking for help. It’s an issue.

But when you’re an 11-year-old girl wanting to belong, walking up and introducing yourself is pretty much the same as saying, “Please don’t reject me.” And since I wasn’t open to being rejected, I was busy, or pretending to be.

Vulnerability is hard and you’re always a bit exposed when you are meeting someone new, even as an adult. One woman had told of a blog conference she went to where she went up, introduced herself and offered her business card to which the other bigger blogger replied, “no, thank you. ” AWKWARD. But then, I thought about that. And the truth is, if someone is like that, I don’t want to know them anyway. They don’t deserve to read my blog and I certainly don’t want to have anything to do with theirs no matter how great they can write or design. Kindness goes a long way in my book.

Blissdom

So, when I was preparing for Blissdom, I addressed these thoughts in my mind and I came to a very freeing conclusion. I’m not that 11-year-old girl anymore. I grew up beyond the mean girls and the cliques and the quest for inclusion. I have a fabulous husband, wonderful kids, grace from God for all my mess and a passion as a writer to meet and connect with others. And it was from that encouraged, loved on place that I arrived at Blissdom.

And I thank God for that clarity of thought and vision before I left because I noticed when people looked busy. Although, instead of searching into their Guess backpack, they were texting into their phone, or wandering around doing the half mouth smile but never really engaging with anyone or staring at the hotel map, for a reeeeeaaaally long time.

And I knew, because that used to be me.

It only takes one person to say hi, and take an interest in you to make you feel you belong. And I was glad to be that person. Maybe it made the beginning a bit less awkward for someone. I saw several people who were so nervous, completely having the time of their lives by the second day. And the thing that was great about Blissdom was that I wasn’t the only one introducing myself to people who didn’t seem to know anyone. Most people were genuinely friendly and inviting.

I am not one for big crowds, and small talk with hundreds of people is beyond exhausting, but I already know I’m an introvert and I need alone time to function well and play nice. I took regular breaks and wandered around by myself or went to my room to sit and breathe and drink a coffee in between the sessions. I excused myself from the night events obscenely early and was in bed on granny time but it gave me enough solitude that the times I did meet other bloggers were exciting, not exhausting.

I also got to hear some dynamic speakers in their field. I attended two MeRaKoh Photography sessions and the woman is amazing as is her spectacular work. Who knew I would cry during a photography session so much?

I went to Jeff Goins, Michael Hyatt, and my friend Tsh Oxenreider’s sessions on writing and developing a life plan and they all left me with things to ponder and add, and even a few things to disagree with. As is right in line with my feisty old self.

But I still think my favorite was the keynote by Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like, and not just because he gave us all a signed copy of his new book, Quitter. He had me laughing, prioritizing my family and blogging, and thinking about the platform and responsibility I have with my voice.

And even though the sessions were really good and I learned a lot from them and the community leaders, I still think my favorite thing about Blissdom was the relationships. I just met the most amazing gals. These women made my time at Blissdom really special with great conversation, a familiar face in the hall or at a table, or a super warm greeting.

Fun at the Lorax Party

Laura Oyer from In the Backyard
Megan Tietz from Sorta Crunchy
Emily McClements from Live Renewed
Maggie S from Accidentally by Design
Ellen Evans from Bloom Maternity and Hip Vegetarian
Andrea Howe from Four Flights of Fancy
Anne Bogel from Modern Mrs. Darcy
Alison Little from aPearantly Sew (who was also my roomie the first night)
Michelle from Some Girls Website
Lindsay Hartz from A New Life
Virginia from Geeky and Sassy

That kind of felt like an Oscar speech and I’m sure to have missed someone because there were countless other women I met, ate with, sat by, and traded cards with that I’m looking forward to getting to know online this year that I didn’t get to mention here.

Either way, the whole experience inspired and motivated, challenged and reassured me, to pursue what I love to do… This. Writing. Stuff.

So a huge heartfelt thanks to all you wonderful people I met, but especially to all my faithful readers, commenters, and cheerer onners (is so a word, trust me, I’m a writer) that make this such a blessing to do.

Comments: 20 Comments Category: Blogging, Creativity, Relationship Tags: blogging, creativity, encouragement, friends, new

Embracing your you-ness: Why I am an artist.

The awkward silence descends. Everyone fidgets and I begin to hear crickets in the background. The question volleyed into this space of women is “What is your element, how did God make you?”

No one wants to go first. For some it may be that they truly don’t know. Don’t see the worth buried in them, placed there by their maker. For others it may be the awkwardness of listing all your qualities without sounding like you are bragging. After all, we’re Christian ladies abounding in humility, right? And for others it may be that they do know, they do feel that intrinsic gift and are simply doubting the value of their contribution. They’re not sure it really counts. I have felt a little of all these at times.

Emily Freeman wrote a series on her blog, Chatting at the Sky, about art. In one particular post she asks the question “Are you an artist?” My automatic reaction was no. One look at her site and the clean white space, gorgeous photos, and amazing writing and I thought, well obviously she is. But the thought festered in my mind until I had to reconsider the whole question, to which I now answer, “YES, I am.”

Kaia running free

My reason for saying no at first was simple. It seemed a lofty title for one who scratches out thoughts on old receipts and blogs when her kids are sleeping, or running around, or climbing on her. It seemed too high a rank for someone like me. Regular. We think if a title like artist is awarded it has to have general consensus. I am an artist if enough relevant people say so. Of course, who the relevant people are is another question entirely. I am an artist if my work gets noticed. Although truthfully, many an artist died with little or no recognition.

It is altogether too presumptuous to give myself that title. Maybe we think that this same phantom rule also applies to our element. We assume that if our talents and passions aren’t recognized or acknowledged they aren’t really meaningful. Maybe they aren’t really there.

It’s rampant in our American church culture. There are the A-list qualities of the Alpha-males to lead, teach, and pastor. These are the anointed men of God who are eloquent, charismatic, and articulate. We tend to follow them and put them on stage or in charge of small groups. We really like them in their element because they are so blatantly obvious. The guy can teach or preach or lead. He’s valuable. And I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with them being the way God made them, but sometimes if you are on the B-list or God forbid the C-list, you can feel pretty worthless in comparison. And if there’s anything that can be guaranteed about women, it’s that we constantly fall into comparison.

We’ve all heard the everyone has a part in the body sermon, but do we really value the elbow as much as the mouth or the eyes? If the dude who sweeps up after church doesn’t show up, someone else can do it, but if the pastor is absent you’ve got a problem. After all, it doesn’t take any special talent to sweep a floor.

So when that question is asked ,we feel something deeper. “WHY are you?”

Why am I? I know the why in terms of theology. Glorify God, enjoy Him forever. Got it. But what about the day-to-day?

What about the, Why Alia? Why me, specifically? Have you ever asked this? Don’t you want to know? Not you asking, why Alia , cause that would just be weird, but the why you?

I posed the question about your element in my last post and asked for comments about what yours are. A few people responded on here and I thank you for those. I’m new to blogging so it’s not surprising I didn’t get a lot of comments but what was surprising was that I got quite a few private email responses.

It seems that some people wanted to share but those first few reasons kept them from it. They weren’t sure if their element really counted. They weren’t sure if it made any difference because it was simple and unnoticed. They weren’t sure they even had an element in which to operate. Let me assure you, you do.

It’s not something we necessarily find on our own. I found mine when I released everything that made up my identity. Mine were revealed as I was pursuing God and allowing my identity to be formed in Him. When we are close to our maker, we feel His pleasure in how we are made. We don’t need the general consensus. We don’t need the recognition. We are fully seen just as we are by the only one who truly matters.

Sisters, we shouldn’t be timid about this. It’s not really humble to deny something that is all God’s doing anyway. We don’t boast in ourselves, but in the power of God within us. And if you don’t think your contribution is valuable, if you don’t think you are infinitely special and purposed because it hasn’t been noticed, shrug off those things that repress you and say, “Yes, I am.” I am because He made me.

So, I will say, “Yes, I am an artist,” not because I am read or because I am good but because I express. I express art in my care for my children, my loving of my husband, my hands lifted in worship, in my weaving these words, in my very Alia-ness that God endowed me with. I express Him.

Of course you are always free to email me privately through the contact form but I’d urge you to step out and embrace your you-ness. We give glory to God when we acknowledge His work. As always, I love to hear from you. Share your thoughts. Are you an artist?

I linked up with Anne and other bloggers at:

Comments: 12 Comments Category: Blogging, Creativity, Faith, Relationship Tags: blogging, comparison, creativity, culture, encouragement, friends, God, self image

The High Calling of Motherhood is Going to Voicemail: How to do less and accomplish more

cell phone

I’m idealistic.

I am inspired.

Unfortunately, I am NOT a good multi-tasker.

I can do one thing well. What thing is that, you might ask? It’s whatever I am most focused on at the time.

I can home school my children and teach them in ways that make their little minds open and swell and burst with information and excitement over things learnt and tried.

I can disciple them and bury God’s word into their souls, pray with them, and try to open their eyes to grace. However, I can’t do that and have an immaculately clean house.

I can have a tidy, organized home with everything in its place, no dust on the mantle, clean windows bereft of smudgy toddler fingerprints, and ringless toilet bowls. The kids rooms can have fresh linen kissed sheets, vacuüm tracks, and organized drawers. The surfaces wiped and clutter free.

But I can’t have all of our business records marching single file under the little plastic tabs labeled with taxes, employee records, invoices sent out, and our check book balanced and important calls made.

I can have a healthy home cooked meal on the table at 5′ o clock sharp, grocery list checked off, meal planner set out with each indexed recipe and breakfast and lunch planned for the next day with ingredients prepped and ready to go.

But I won’t have showered, put makeup on and be dressed in clothes that I could actually answer the door in. I can’t have spent time at the park on a sunny day, or enjoy an impromptu picnic with friends. I can’t take an emergency meal to a friend in need or spend an extra few minutes talking to a chatty grocery checkout lady because she seems like she could use a smile.

I can wake up in the morning with the achy soreness that comes from a great workout. I may be unable to lower myself down to the toilet without holding the walls for support after spin class and hover squats but I won’t be able to practice opening my house to others.

I won’t be able to sew a dress for my daughter’s birthday, or throw off lesson planning in the evening to linger over night time stories and extra snuggles. Or go on a date night with my husband without shirking off some thing that is always vying for a spot as my top priority.

I won’t be able to spend individual time with each child making sure they know their special place in my heart.

All things that I want to be good at. All things that I want to dedicate a chunk of time to but the slots are constantly overfull. All things I aspire to. Why can’t I do them all? Why can’t I do them all well?

I think I have discovered the answer after years of constant effort with little return. I simply can’t do them a little at a time. I can’t do the good enough version of the less important things and move on. That’s it. It’s all or nothing and sadly, it’s often nothing. I focus so wholeheartedly on one thing that everything else becomes imbalanced. The small steps to set up routines and faithfully plod away is not in my all or nothing vernacular, so I often set myself up with expectations that are impossibly high for any one woman to accomplish.

The high calling I inflict upon myself never gets answered. There’s just too many lines ringing at the same time.

So, I am taking steps to narrow the focus, eliminate the ‘too much’ breakdowns that occur frequently around these parts. The “I just can’t do all this!” that comes from trying to juggle perfection with too little coordination causing it all to crash down around me.

Since I am all about action because dreaming dreams still means you’re probably asleep, I will tell you my plan to reduce the ‘too much’ into the just right and maybe this high calling I feel God has inspired me to as a Christian wife, mother, crafter extraordinaire, writer, daughter, homemaker, teacher, friend, and business owner will actually get answered.

Coming Tomorrow: Who will cast the deciding vote?