If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies…. It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it. ~Albert Einstein
When you consider girls selling their bodies each night for a chance to survive, each encounter robbing her a bit more of dignity, worth, and hope, getting dressed each day seems inconsequential. Petty even. First world problems of the entitled.
I’ve struggled with finding meaning in everything. I always struggle to find balance within my extreme personality.
At times I have admired the ascetics purging themselves of all physical luxuries to pursue the spiritual, verging dangerously dividing the sacred and the secular.
I have also been enticed by materialism, promising comfort and security and the American dreams of prosperity and glamour.
But the gospel is found in neither of these. For it is not by radical acts of poverty, nor by denial of human need or indulgence in what the world offers that we find our savior or our salvation.
He is concerned with body and soul, spirit and truth. He is concerned with beauty. He is concerned with His creation.
I always equated that to the internal heart matters. After all, God says that He looks upon our hearts. That being a godly woman, a Proverbs 31 type icon meant I should care little about how I looked as that was simply vain and worldly.
I took tremendous pains with my appearance before I knew the Lord. Shouldn’t that all change now that I had more important things to dedicate my life to?
I vacillate wildly between being fashion oriented and being your run of the mill slob in yoga pants, a stretched out t-shirt two sizes too big and a pony tail. I have three kids, I home school, I clean chocolate stains off the floor from the pudding pop my son left to melt on the carpet. I don’t need to look glamorous. And so by default I turn to comfort. And comfort turns to slobby.
Because the truth is when you have a weight problem, you don’t really want to get dressed. You think, what difference does it make? I am just me, stuffed into clothing. Each seam bulging in mockery.
And it’s easy to say it doesn’t matter, that clothes are really insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Birds of the air and flowers clothed gloriously and all that. But there’s a lie in there, because worrying about what I’m to wear and caring are two very separate things.
I used to comfort myself by looking at woman who had every hair in place and their makeup perfectly applied, their outfits a montage of the best Pinterest has to offer. Their love for running or Pilates evident in toned arms and healthy glow. I found solace in thinking they were shallow and spent all their time in the mirror trying to be the fairest.
I thought it contemptible that with the weightier matters of life, style and vanity consumed them. But the truth is, my heart was jealous. I had no idea what their hearts were like because I avoided them altogether. I broke fellowship because of flesh.
I always felt less than. And that is a soul issue. That is a heart issue. A body issue. A hurt issue.
So I was wrong. Because it does matter.
God made women with intrinsic beauty. And when I stop caring about that, I stop caring about how God created me. It’s not about makeup and clothes and hours spent working my body into an idol, but it is about stewardship and worship. I dim the reflection of Him when I think this body doesn’t matter. We are not just soul or spirit, but flesh. This body isn’t separate from me, it is as much me as my soul and my mind.
It’s a false sense of humility to say, I don’t care what I look like. It is both boastful and banal to claim indifference when it’s really insecurity that keeps me zipped up in my husband’s sweatshirts and yoga pants. It is camouflage for a fat girl in this body conscious world. But the only thing obscured is my image of myself, pleasing to God, worthy of care, beautiful.
Beauty of Mocha Club
This is where I find myself as I pursue this Purpose Project. It is a false dichotomy to say them or me. It is both. My heart breaks for those women who don’t know hope and whose image has been tarnished by this cruel world.
But it should also care that God is at work in my own heart. That I would believe the very message I hope for those women. That I would embrace beauty and call it my own, not just for my sake, but for theirs.
If you would like to partner with me and Mocha Club to help rescue a woman from the life of prostitution and endow her with the message of God’s love of her as His divine creation, would you click here and donate?
Together we can do this. At the end of February, if I’ve reached my goal of $400.00 I will take my own advice and begin to dress for the day I want to have. Help to hold me accountable?
Click Here to Find out more and to give——–>>>>>>>
Related Post: Alia’s Dress for Change Project
This —> “God made women with intrinsic beauty. And when I stop caring about that, I stop caring about how God created me.” — This has always been a battle for me, as I waged war with my weight. I’ve tried and died while running my butt off, I’ve lifted weights at the gym all the while oggling the other gorgeous woman who don’t seem to have a gigantic muffin top oozing out of the Lulu Lemon yoga pants… And each and every time I would shake my fist at God and wonder why I needed to work so hard to be beautiful. And the lies that we believe are astounding to me and do irreparable damage to our soul and to the lives that we try and carve out, living fully and freely. And it dawned on me several weeks ago that the gym was an unhealthy place for me – aside from the fact that I was wasting money – because I never really went – but it fed a belief system that I was never good enough, never measured up. So one Saturday morning, I marched up to the counter and cancelled my membership – needing to dig in and find some bravery, because I thought “if I just keep the door open, someday, maybe someday, I’ll be good enough” – I’m still over-weight, still struggling with a body that is failing me because of the extra pounds, but I think that God has some work to do in my heart about walking the talk and acting like He created me to be.
Oh my goodness… I’m just a tad bit long winded aren’t I – Thank you for being so honest here – I cherish your words and God uses them to heal a heart.
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Oh yes, friend. It is always a heart issue so much more than what I carry on my body or put in my mouth. I am learning that the outside matters and the whole beauty is on the inside thing is totally true and yet still false in ways. Because we should care.
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Balance, girlfriend! You nailed it. We go too far in either direction and it throws us all off kilter. We become poor reflections of God’s glory and that benefits no one! I love your heart here and how you are tackling the big stuff that everyone deals with head on! This is just some crazy good therapeutic talking out loud for me ( and probably many others). You are beautiful and it shines through your words!
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Thanks Amy. I seem to talk about balance on this blog ALOT. I think because I tend to be so extreme in anything I do. I’m an all or nothing girl. Love you Amy!
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WoW–can I relate to what you are saying!!
.
Clothing being that thing I use to camouflage my body… yeah, I do the best I can to camo-up on the fat stuff!!
But >>I<< still know it's there.
So do others.
"But the only thing obscured is my image of myself, pleasing to God, worthy of care, beautiful." OUCH.
When I am home most days, it's all too easy to say "I have nothing to get ready FOR, except to go out and check the mail. " The feelings behind that are self-loathing and disliking my body, and not wanting to "waste" wearing a nicer top/jeans/whatever. Yes, I DO feel like it would be a waste for being just me-an'-God. That 'beauty of the inner heart' stuff that the enemy and my own down-grading would like me to Always believe.
You are SO right, Alia!! God DOES see us as beautiful! He Wants US to present our bodies "as a living sacrifice". If I am presenting my body to HIM, then I need to show respect and honor for it, too. It IS a part of me, just as my mind, my soul, my spirit are!– (those somewhat nebulous things that seem spiritual when I WANT to be that h umble, Proverbs-31-woman).
My perception of what I look like has been formed by what I saw reflected in the eyes, the words, the actions, and attitudes of those I grew up interacting with, and those I encountered along the way; by the actions that were taken AGAINST my body through sexual and physical abuse, and by world-views that I did not measure up or Look 'good enough'. When I Felt dirty and 'bad', then my body seemed uglier and undesirable for even the smallest bit of attractiveness. Of COURSE I wanted to hide it!
I thought I was always 'fat' from the first memory…when pictures show that I was NEVER fat.
The world and the enemy wound us and we adopt their perceptions of ourselves, even to EXternalizing the ugliness we feel inside so our perception is warped.
God has healed me of so Much pain and ugliness. Old habits, thoughts..they die hard.
I often realize that I need to repent of downgrading this body that is HIS, also a part of 'me', and that HE has rescued!! If GOD sees me as beautiful, as acceptable, as "good enough", then
HELLO??!!
I need to take His Word for it!!
Yaaarrrr… the process of progress sometimes seems very slow.
Regret and recriminations chime in when I think of my grown daughter, and what she has gone through– how I passed some of this same 'worthless' image on to her, and how the enemy attacked and wounded her through the same kinds of things I experienced.
I learned that I was NOT acceptable or 'worth it', and didn't have a special and invaluable body, I did not know how to set boundaries, (or even KNOW what good boundaries were!), when it came to how others treated my body. As a result, I had no idea that I didn't teach my daughter good boundaries. She has taught ME many things, and has learned in very hard ways about boundaries. SHE was forced into prostitution by a muslim 'husband', but was able to finally break that cycle. SHe has labored intensively to teach her OWN girls to value their bodies, yet they have sensed the duality of how she allows her 2nd husband to treat her. As young teens they are already giving away that which is precious and should be reserved for their wedding night's.
I get angry at the enemy of our souls for the damage he causes, but I Hope and PRAY, and look FORWARD (!) to the day that GOD will take what he meant for evil and turn it into an area where GOD is Glorified!!
Well, as usual, I have gone off on lengthy rabbit trails in my 'comment' on what you've written!!
It's just that the things you communicate touch down deep and evoke a response in me that flows right over the dam!!
Thank you, once again, Alia, for thinking out loud, for risking putting your feelings and thoughts out here!! You BLESS many!!
Love and ((huggs)), IN Jesus–who made 'us' infinitely Beautiful!
Pam
Oh I think that. I wish I was as “fat” now as I thought I was then. So many women, never see themselves clearly. I’m so sorry to hear about the horrible injustices that happened to both you and your daughter. What a cycle of devastation and I can see how the road back can be so hard but I love that we have a God who promises us purity and wholeness and beauty from ashes. Thank you for pouring out your heart and for pursuing what God has for you. Hugs.
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Alia! There is so much to say here. You have mined some important depths, my friend, with your trademark honesty and heart after the true heart of God. I love what you say: “I always felt less than. And that is a soul issue. That is a heart issue. A body issue. A hurt issue.” Oh, how I know this, dear….and the extremes that don’t reflect my true standing before God as one treasured and redeemed and loved perfectly, and the judgments that separate me from exploring what I truly believe in HIM.
It’s an interesting thing that happens to me nearly every time I come here, but I just want to say it: I am proud of you. For seeking God. For your commitment to growth. For your compassion to care for the other and then begin to turn that God-breathed compassion on yourself….and all of us, too.
I treasure you. I really do.
Thank you Ashley, I don’t know why exactly, but your comment made me cry. I’ve got a huge hug stored up for you and I’m not even a hugger!
Alia Joy recently posted..Pursuing Justice Book Giveaway
LOVE how you are using your voice. An insightful post. Thank you for the vulnerability it took to write it. And so beautifully written as always!!
And you are over half way to your goal!!! Yo go girl!!!
Thank you Blair. I know, I did a major ugly cry when I got the email of my total from Marissa. I love my readers. It’s a big deal for a tiny blogger like me. So blessed to be a part of this.
Alia Joy recently posted..Pursuing Justice Book Giveaway
The outside has it’s place because we serve a God who created Beauty. But His beauty is not always the same as the World’s beauty. It really is a heart and soul issue and allowing ourselves to see us He does and striving to be His kind of Beauty. I go back and forth with telling my dauhter she’s beautiful on the outside. Will it make her vain and proud? I fear if I don’t she will grow up like me, never believing she is beautiful or valuable. Balance is important. Love your honesty Alia.
Totally agree, Laura. Balance is really important and heart issues matter more than anything. I think you tell your daughter she’s beautiful often as well as telling her she is smart and kind and all of the other qualities you see in her. She’ll get knocked down enough by the world around her. I think vanity is often the overarching of an overtly insecure woman. Thanks for sharing here, Laura!
Alia Joy recently posted..The Faith You Don’t Really Want
There is soooo much here……so much that is true and honest and good……I think I’d like to hug you, long time and big time, you non-hugger you.
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