Judah is in search of his iPod again. He thinks it might have been in his jeans pocket which have endured a thorough washing and are folded and stacked in the laundry basket. It’s not in there. I found it on the floor and rescued it before it was broken by Nehemiah and his two-year old curiosity which often inspire lathering things in lotion or throwing them in the trash. I found my phone in there once, among other things. Needless to say, we must be intentional about putting things away.
photo credit by bloohimwhom
As a mom, who trusts that these possessions aren’t really that important, that we are destined for eternal purpose, I don’t want to get bogged down by stuff. I believe we are most unencumbered to serve God when we live a simpler existence.
It’s an interesting dichotomy between being a good steward of our possessions and resources and holding all things loosely.
I’ve noticed most people have a tendency to do one or the other. It’s hard to do both.
Judah is exceedingly giving. He’s just that way. He shares easily, he isn’t possessive. He saves his allowance to buy other kids things. His heart is unbound in his giving nature. The shirt off his back, sure, why not? I love this about him but honestly, I struggle as his mom. Do I let him give his stuff away? What about when he gets taken advantage of ?
He participated in cub scouts a few years ago and had earned a small box of Lego for popcorn sales. When they were receiving their prizes, another boy who hadn’t participated in sales received nothing. The boy was pouting and sulky. Judah handed over his prize with no second thought.
I didn’t want him to give it away.
Lego are expensive! We had stood at that popcorn table in the cold selling tins of popcorn on our Saturday! I wanted to demand he take the prize back but the crowd of smiling mothers surrounding me made it hard to jump up and say,” Hey, that’s not fair. Don’t be so giving. That kid’s just going to take advantage of you and he’s not even grateful!” I controlled myself.
Judah seemed unfazed. I kept waiting for the disappointment and letdown he would feel when he realized he got the short end of the deal. The child barely thanked him. But he didn’t. He seemed happy that he was able to do it. I left it at that. There have been times since then that I have put my foot down as children have left our house with Judah’s things, freely given.
He holds things loosely. Very loosely. So loose that we lose iPods, DS games, Lego parts, clothes, jackets, shoes, and random other things that he misplaced. Toys are left outside and ruined. DVD’s and games are left out and scratched. We are trying to teach him better stewardship of his possessions. To take care of them, put them away, and never put them in the laundry.
Some of his irresponsibility can be attributed to 11-year-old man-boy brain that tends to get very easily distracted. We are working on learning to follow directions that include more than one step without getting sidetracked by shiny things. I want him to find this balance of taking good care of his things while not being consumed by them.
However, since I started to frisk his playmates for concealed toys, he has started to loan things. He gets this from my husband who is also very giving. My husband who has loaned out so many things that we have had to replace because they’ve never been returned, have been lost, or have been returned broken. He also holds things loosely.
On the flip side, I have seen people who are very good stewards of their things. They keep them in immaculate shape. All things are put away, covered, remembered. They have stickers, embroidered patches, and sharpie marker labels with their name emblazoned on every article they own. I’m not against labeling as it makes it easy to find your stuff in a group or community but I also notice that sometimes, those people tend to hold a little tightly.
After all, they worked for these things. They take good care of them. If you want to use something, buy it yourself. And I get that, because I’m a little more this way than I’d like to admit. If it’s a cause or someone I consider truly needy, I have no problem giving abundantly but if it’s someone who could just as easily get it themselves, I hold tightly. Not that I always take perfect care of my things but we grew up without much and I’ve had so many things ruined or never returned that I am hesitant to lend out my belongings. Sometimes, I am stingy.
I hate this about myself because I truly do want to be giving but sometimes the balance between practicality and hospitality collide. I may loan you things, but I’ll need a deposit and two forms of i.d. with your picture on it.
And then I think of the parable in Luke.
To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. – Luke 6:29-30 ESV
Ummm, Luke, this is highly impractical.
This striking, cloak stealing, begging, unreturner of things does not sound like he would pass my loaning qualifications. Nor does he sound deserving or grateful.
These are those parts of the Bible where it’s fun to say God didn’t really mean it. I mean, what about our personal rights? And how are we supposed to give to everyone who begs from us. Does that mean we have to give to every homeless person with a cardboard sign? And now that we have global awareness from the media, does that mean that we have to invest in every cause? Does it mean we just stand there and take abuse while cloak stealing guy mistreats us?
I’m not saying I have the answers to all these balances. Like I said, I tend to hold too tight, but I know that God is speaking to me in this season. So much.
And this is something that I hear, ” Let me deal fairly.”
That’s it. Be responsible, be obedient, be free. Because Judah will be dealt fairly by God even if he doesn’t have that Lego set now.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you tend to hold tight or loose? Have you found a balance? I’d love to hear what this looks like in your life. Don’t be shy, I always appreciate dialogue in the comments, unless you want to borrow something. Kidding. Heh.
Comment links can be found at the beginning of the post
hmmmm….about my crockpot….he he
Oh, I have no problem borrowing things. LOL.
I end up somewhere in the middle … trying to strike the balance between being responsible with what I have and holding it loosely and you’re right … it can be hard! I think that, while we are all to be generous, some have a gift of giving and it comes naturally to them in a different way … not as a copout. But God just makes us all differently! I have seen how my in-laws have had the ability to give so much because they have always been so careful and methodical with their things (something I think this generation has kind of lost and almost feels guilty for doing!) … just some thoughts.
I like your thoughts. I think you’re totally right about gifting as well. I would’ve loved to claim Judah and Kaia’s giving nature is all the result of my super impressive mothering skills but truthfully, they were like that from the time they were little. They just were. We said share and they did. I think you’re right about this generation. I think your in-laws generation typically valued hard work and therefore took care of the things they earned. Sometimes I look at the sheer magnitude of things my kids have even in comparison to me as a child and I think, no wonder they don’t value things as much. I think if we choose to see everything as a gift from God we should be good stewards of them and responsible but as gifts freely given they should be available if He chooses to bless someone else with them. At least, that’s how I’m trying to see things.
Really excellent thoughts. You are a very good writer!
Thanks Brooke. Just disregard my flagrant misuse of commas, constant fragment sentences, and occasional made up words. I’m learning a lot in Essentials. LOL. Judah has read a few posts and pointed out the error of my ways. I told him my writing style is intentionally that way. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
lol … well, I like your style. I’m a bit of a grammar nerd and I haven’t noticed any issues.
I’m also very stingy with my, “You’re a good writer,” compliments. So there.
Well then,
never mind what I said about the grammar. A’hem. And geez Brooke, you shouldn’t be so stingy. It’s all about giving, remember? HA. No really, I’m honored that you’d say that.lol … you got me there!
My take on this? I grew up as the 6th of 7, hand-me-downs and St. Vincent’s underpants. I wore broken down flats in Montana winters and was thankful the year I got hairspray for Christmas. In the middle of all of that I struggled to understand what mattered.
For all of my life I have lived with 2nd hand objects. Easily given, easily forgotten. The only brand new things, treasures I’ve ever held tightly to have been the people I have fallen in love with through the years. $$ and things mean very, very little. And I’m clumsy. So even the good stuff gets broken.
My husband, he’s a different story. And he treasures his precious things. That gift from his mother, the shirt for his birthday. There is meaning intrinsically tied to his “stuff”.
I try to find a place in the middle but I know I tend to be more like Judah than Brian. I’m not sure where my boys figure. I’ve seen them be terribly taken advantage of by those who misappropriate their good nature and generous spirit. But, ultimately, doesn’t it all just belong to the Lord and we ought to be the best stewards of whatever or whomeve we find in our lives?
Isn’t that interesting? A lot of people who grew up with nothing would turn around and be the opposite … craving things and holding tightly to them. I have had the same thing with my boys … they just LOVE to give. And I’ve realized, they don’t miss it after it’s gone. They willingly give to each other and their friends. I never know who to blame when something is left out, because everything changes hands so often (perhaps that is their ploy to not clean up?)!!!! But then they’ll get in a fight over something they claim is theirs and I won’t be able to help since I have no recollection of whose it is!
Yes, and with so many boys I’m sure the toys change hands constantly. Nice strategy.
But, ultimately, doesn’t it all just belong to the Lord and we ought to be the best stewards of whatever or whomever we find in our lives? Agreed. That’s how we need to think in relation to everything. Including friends.
That’s a difficult one to figure out for sure! I’ve often thought on that verse and wondered the same things. Do we give everything always and to everyone who asks anything of us? That’s what it would seem to say. It’s a struggle though. All over Proverbs it talks about working and saving and giving. Jesus says to give everything, yet throughout the old testament it’s the balance of stewardship and giving. He’s the same in the old and new testament, yet when He came He was really getting at the heart of His people. So it’s a balance, I think, and a heart issue of which action flows.
I know I can’t replace it if anything did happen. It’s those times that I question my heart and I know it holds on to things more than it should. It’s security in a way.
You know I’m an organization, clean freak. It’s important to me to be a good steward of what we have, things, money, time, etc. It’s important to me to teach my kids that. I try to always keep in mind that everything should be held loosely. If God asks you to give it up or takes something from you. Are we going to trust him and believe He is good? That’s what I try to think about all the time. Whether it be stuff, money, time, my life, my children. We can’t truly “hold” on to anything. It is all “grasping for the wind.” So for the most part, I don’t care too much about stuff. I sure don’t think any of it is worth working my whole life to get.
I remember when we got our new mini van, someone asked to borrow it for the weekend for a road trip. You know, up to that point we had always had beater cars, ones we had to replace with another beater every 1-3 years. God always provided enough money to buy that car or even someone to give it to us and we were always blessed to have it. Then one day, when our newest beater broke down after 2 years, my mom inherited some money and bought us an almost new mini van. It was so amazing! Still going, and still love it. But, for someone to ask to borrow this new, precious thing! I couldn’t believe it and I couldn’t do it! I still don’t know if I should of, or if it was wrong, but sometimes it’s those things, the things I’ve wanted for so long and are nice and new and oh so pretty.
You know at times Jordan has been convicted and given everything away…a few times. Just later to accumulate it back. Him and I have both struggled with the tendency to think, why not, just get rid of everything, go to missions and live radically. Which maybe one day, God will have us do that. And although, I may be able to do that if and when God asks, I know at times that my heart is tied to things more than it should and it will be a fight to let go. That’s something that I know God is at work in me too right now. I desire to be someone who holds my hands out to God with everything He has intrusted to me in them. My things, my health, my talents, my family, my money, my name, my time…everything, knowing that none of these would be, apart from Him. They are all His, I can trust Him with it all, whatever He may do with them. I have to think of that and say it to Him often and then trust that He will work in me to live that way and change my heart, prepare me and work through me so that my life can be “poured out as a drink offering for Him.” So I think, it is like so many things in our Christian walk, there are things we can actively do to cultivate a heart to live life in this way, while God is at work in us cultivating a heart that would be poured out for Him. When we feel the Spirit prompting us to give, we should obey it! When we feel the Spirit at work convicting and changing our hearts in these areas, we should listen and learn! We trust that the reward will be great when we live for eternity and not this life. And we also know and trust that we cannot do anything without Him, so when a time comes where He asks something that is too hard we trust that He will give us the grace to endure and the grace to be poured out for His glory.
I think something that’s good to think about too, is that we are all different. So some of us may give more easily of our money, or our things, or our time. We all hold different things more loosely. I think God would desire us to be ready to give of whatever He asks and for everything to be held loosely. I think it means that we do have wisdom in situations, I can’t give something to everyone who has needs. There’s lots of things to think about and to take into consideration. But I can be directed by the Spirit and be obedient to the things He does ask me to do and think about my heart towards Him.
Well said. I think we do need to use wisdom in how we deal with our things both in stewardship and giving but above all we need to be obedient, and that means having an intimate relationship with God so we are trained to hear His voice and recognize His prompting.