I have always been an idealistic person. I would consider myself a cynical idealist. I tend to be overly critical yet I have high ideals and hopes for how things should or could be.
Having grown up exposed to cross cultural missions in Europe, India, and Nepal, I didn’t want my children to grow up with a limited worldview. I wanted them to know about other cultures. Who knows if God may someday call them elsewhere? I’d like them to be considerate that our way of doing things in America is certainly not the only way.
- I wanted them to have skills… nunchuk skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills….
- I wanted them to know about church history and scripture. Not just memorize it but bury it deep down in their hearts.
- I wanted them to be exposed to art, nature, and sunsets on the coast.
- I wanted them to know how to balance a checkbook.
- I wanted them to be able to play music and make forts.
- I wanted them to learn how to cook, make an imaginary Lego world, and do a load of laundry.
- I wanted them to fall in love with the characters in books, to be transported by their imaginations and to recognize amazing literature.
- I wanted them to know how to care for each other, have grateful hearts, extend mercy, love justice, and find Burkina Faso on a map.
In short, I wanted so much. I wanted to offer them the best this world has to offer. The absolute best that God has provided, the ability to find their own passions and creativity and God given abilities.
Because when those things are found, God is glorified and the fire is lit.
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
William Butler Yeats
I wanted to disciple my kids. When Judah went to public school for kindergarten and first grade, I simply couldn’t find the time to do so from the hours of 3:30 to bedtime at 7:30. Four hours to fit in life? I know I am not the guru of time management and I struggle to get it all done. When he was in public school I constantly felt the drain of fragmented time. Sure, I had more time to myself. Sometimes I reminisce on those days when Judah was in school. Nehemiah was yet to be born and Kaia took 3 hour naps. I cannot imagine what I would do with that much free time.
I will tell you that in the last 5 years I have not once been bored. There’s no time for that. I rarely go to the bathroom without someone asking for something through the door. I cannot remember the last time I was in my home completely alone. My house is constantly having to be picked up because there are 3 children, myself and my mother( who lives with us) in one home all day and WOW, those kids are messy! They want to eat several times a day! There are definitely things that are hard. But positive change is rarely easy.
I felt there were so many opportunities we couldn’t take advantage of simply because there was no time. When we’d get home a little before 4:00, he’d want to play and decompress. Then we’d have dinner, do some homework that mostly consisted of repetitious worksheets, do bath time and then it was time for bed.
I have heard it said about parenthood that the days are long but the years are short. It is so true. I am writing this and my then 6-year-old is now an 11-year-old man-boy.
Our time is short with our kids. I don’t want to miss out on these years or make drops in a bucket. I want to light a fire.
I love that quote and the idea that education is the lighting of a fire. I’ve been feeling a little discouraged about our homeschool journey lately, but this puts things in a new perspective for me. Thank you for that.
Thanks Tracie! It’s easy to get discouraged. Hang in there.
Yes, Yes, YES! I love your list of reasons/wants. *saves to favorites*
Hello there, Alia Joy!
… I love the way you put into words exactly what I went through , especially with my first child. I had three, also. I wanted to teach her so MUCH. I wanted her to know how to KNOW that God loved her, in a way that I could never understand when I was a kid. I wanted her to be reading before school–nevermind even HOMESchool!! Hah. My sister did it!! Well, I was a single mommie, worked 2 part-time jobs and went to school full time…and took her with me everywhere, (sometimes school, too!). She was like a little adult in her social ability, but she didn’t QUITE know her ABC’s when she started school, and I felt so guilty.
Yes, there are times when our children are ALL and EACH of those things, but not All of the TIME!
Now, I look back, and I think of all of the really GOOD things I did with her, reading to her, taking her with me to church and activities, and singing with her, worshiping God in the car as we drove to school…
I feel reassured that the LORD planted seeds in her. She may not be walking with Him full-time right now, but the day is coming! I saw where she posted recently about how she had been talking with one of her teen daughters: “I told her that I had never seen God with my eyes, or touched Him with my hands, yet I KNEW- deep inside that He was REAL.” Though her and I don’t seem to be on the same page or relating at ALL right now, LOOK what God is doing!!!!
Something else my Mom told me 35 yrs ago: “Pam, you cannot take this on and blame yourself because it wasn’t your fault. Things HAPPEN in life. We do the Best we can, with the knowledge and ability we have AT THE TIME, and that’s ALL we can do. We learn, and we go on.”
I have shared that with my own daughter a number of times, and with others [not to mention telling myself a time or two!], and I keep realizing the greater TRUTH in that.
>>We always have grand dreams and goals, and we WANT these things, opportunities, abilities, blessings, for our children. We LONG to have them discipled and knowing God’s Word, hungering for God. We want what’s BEST and GOOD for them. Yet we are frail fleshly humans, daily repenting and then walking victoriously with our Lord Jesus!! It IS, as I have ‘seen’ you say yourself— IN OUR WEAKNESS THAT GOD’S STRENGTH IS SHOWN!!
That ‘perfect’ home-schooled, scripture-taught, God-loving, world-rounded, educated, musical, artsy, free, athletic, loving, giving, child we want to ‘MAKE’ simply doesn’t EXIST!!
AND– it’s no FAILURE on our part!!
Life just IS WHAT IT IS, and we walk by FAITH, not by sight. We HOPE for what we do not see!
Just as we BELIEVE in WHO we do not see.
We also put a ‘vision’ of expectation and excitement out there for our children, so that though they may be FAR from where we’d like to see them, that ‘vision’ we speak to them will be the seed planted in their hearts and minds of the future that they will eventually come to. We pray it into existence also!
Not every day… not every minute… but we grow as moms, just as we grow in the Lord. As He shows us and changes our hearts, revealing His love to us…we respond. Our parenting and coping skills do the same thing. We LEARN to parent.
Whew…
Lotsa words.
I hope they made some sense?
Every moment you are “present” with your children, in THAT moment, whatever you are doing with them is ‘lighting a fire’… making a memory, planting a seed, sparking an ember that God will fan to a flame!!
God be with you and Bless you!!
((gentle hugg))
pam