They are coltish, wobbling on strappy sandals, their wedges creating even longer legs, jutting from their teeny tiny shorts. They hobble along in clusters of three or four, their long hair cascading down their backs and brushing over bare shoulders. Their shiny lip-gloss sending off tiny glinting sparkles like confetti thrown at a party. They swing their pink striped bags jauntily. Victoria’s Secret. These girls can’t be more than 13. They giggle and lean into each other as they head toward Pac Sun. 
I turn to see another cluster of girls. Three. Marching across the parking lot. They are in bikinis. The one in front, the leader, has long sinewy brown limbs like a runner. Her bikini bottoms hike up as she walks, perilously close to being absorbed completely into her butt cheeks as she struts along. She has two followers, one shorter and fuller with thick thighs and a slice of rainbow triangles covering her upper half, who seems to walk with small hurried steps as though trying to catch up with her friends long strides but not wanting to actually jog. And the other, a tall gangly girl with a body like stretched putty. All awkward limbs and angles, who may someday grow into her body and recall her ugly duckling days, but is currently trudging along with her knee caps round and shouting out of her lanky limbs like the dot of an exclamation point. They are just girls. People turn to stare. After all, this is an outdoor mall with people carrying packages from the Gap and Bath and Body Works. This is the first truly warm day of summer. And these girls, still with virgin winter skin, white as the petal of a spring calla lily and blossoming under these painfully small swimsuits, seems out-of-place and garish in the harsh summer light. 
They show no apprehension about parading through throngs of shoppers as close to naked as a tween girl can legally get in public. A man sitting at the outdoor coffee shops looks up from his phone and his eyes trail them as they walk. He is old enough to be their father. And I wonder what he is thinking. His face is slack and his expression hard to read. Is he thinking of his own daughter at home or out with friends. Is he hoping she would be more modest. Does he find their bravado a tad revolting as I do? Is he thinking of these pubescent girls as women? Is his gaze running over their naked limbs and… My stomach clenches and I want to throw a towel over them and take them home with me. And I think of my sweet girl, only seven. This is the world in which we live. There is something so missing here. Is this just another facet of culture and I’m an old lady and out of touch with reality? I’m just a mom and what do I know about style anyway? And this is how they all dress and this is how they all act. And it’s just a stage that all girls go through and it’s just innocent. And then my head explodes. My heart hurts. Literally aches in the hollow of my chest. Because I know this place. The one where a normal stroll turns into a saunter and your hips sway a tad more and you feel eyes on your skin and you feel beautiful, wanted, sexy. I know that heady rush of power you feel at 14 when your body has changed and you realize you can get attention with a shorter hemline, tighter tops, and wet glossed lips. And I know how young 14 really is. I know how fragile beauty is. And how innocence lost can only be redeemed but never regained. And I know how hard that road is. And I want so much more for my daughter. And I pray a silent prayer for the years ahead. I pray hard.
I echo your heart, friend. Praying hard too.
Deb Weaver
thewordweaver.com
Deb Weaver recently posted.."Summer Social"
Thanks Deb, kind of never stops when you’re a mom, huh?
Indeed. I have started staring back at the men who ogle my daughters in public. Maybe it’s dangerous. But they think no one notices them in a public place. Now, they’ve been seen as they have seen my child. “Yes, look away in shame Mister. Pretend. Go live with yourself.”
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Uggh, I haven’t had that experience with my daughter yet, but I can only imagine. I don’t really know what the guy was thinking but even I couldn’t believe how much flesh was on display and these girls were really just tween girls at best. Ick.
Love this Post Alia! As a mom to three daughters, this post hit home in a big way. I remember my mom not letting me and my sister wear half shirts back in the day Lol. I thought she was so ridiculous. My girls now think I’m ridiculous when I put my foot down on short shorts and bikini’s. The Modesty lesson is a battle worth fighting if you ask me! Although not easy by any stretch-thank you for spurring me on!
Blessings to you and yours
Sherri Ohler
Sherri, I know. I grew up my teen years in Hawaii and I thought nothing of the way I dressed. I wouldn’t let my daughter wear most of what I wore back then. I agree, I think modesty is such a valuable thing for a girl to possess in this society and to honor God, even if those girls might not always see it that way. I’m strict too, but I don’t get any fight from my seven year old… yet.
For me, the saddest part is we never know until we are older. I was exactly as you described (although I never would have worn a bikini to the mall) with clothes. Short shorts, tight tops, bikinis. And completely unconscious of it all except for liking how it looked. It saddens me now.
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So true. Although, I think I knew that I liked the way I looked primarily because of the reaction I got. Although girls think it’s fun when 17 year old boys are checking them out, they don’t realize that 40 year old guys are checking them out as well. Or what they are doing to stumble others by the ways they dress. All we can do is try to model modesty and teach our daughters likewise.
Alia–you captured this so well. and no, you’re not ‘an old lady’ for thinking this. What scares me is the PARENTS who let their children go out like this. wow.
Praying for your daughter is the perfect response.
Great post.
Thanks Jody. Yes, I know I’m not. LOL but I have gotten that response from people I know who let their daughters dress however they want as a form of self expression with the mentality that it’s just style etc. It scares me too. Especially when I see moms dress very much this same way, and I have. Yes, lots of prayer as we raise kids.
Praying with you for my own 10 yr. Old daughter. AND for the moms who actually model this behavior for their young girls.
Me too Laura. Me too.
Is there any way to protect them other than to show them they are loved so much better by God forever? Fourteen or 84, we still want to be wanted. For me, it wasn’t until I knew, really knew, that God loved me that I got over any of this.
JoAnne Potter recently posted..Be Careful What You Ask For
JoAnne, I agree that the need dies down when we realize how loved we are. And I do pray my daughter grows to know God’s love and ours in that way but I also believe that whether they need/want that attention or not, there still have to be rules in place for what is appropriate to wear. I think that’s why I see grown women, even in the church, dressing provacatively. But as children, their parents have the responsibility to establish what is modest and acceptable and to model that for them. And then prayer, lots of prayer.
This made my heart ache. I have three boys, and in some ways, am grateful I dodged what seems like an impossibly-uphill-battle…helping girls know that they are perfect just. how. they. are. My boys, at 15, 12, and 9, seem obvious to what culture says about what makes a woman beautiful, but it’s something I worry about. I worry for their little girl friends, as I watch them grow from unselfconscious, loud, joyful children to teenagers who worry about what others are thinking about their clothes, their bodies. I hug the teenagers, and remind them how beautiful they are, but I wonder if my words and love are just a drop in the bucket of a society with a message that is so much louder and bigger than me.
What you wrote today is beautiful, and right. Thank you.
Kim recently posted..Messy Grace
Oh gosh, Kim. I agree that little girls are going to face these trials inevitably just as you’ve seen with your boys friends who are now self conscious and dealing with societies messages. But I also have two boys and I know what they are going to face as they get older too. Just as there are girls dressing this way, there is so much that is tempting, no refuge for a righteous mans eyes these days. And I feel sorry for the fight that is coming to maintain being a man who is honorable towards women and doesn’t fall into so many of the traps these days regarding lust. Uggh. Lots of prayer, and seeking God’s wisdom as we parent. Blessings to you and your boys. You’re doing the right thing to love on those kids.
Alia,
This post gave me goosebumps. And how much do I share your heart on this. Having both boys and girls in this house ache for both in different ways. How difficult our society makes it to keep the minds of my boys pure, and the hearts of my girls from falling victim to the lies of society regarding what makes women truly beautiful… I just cringe at teh struggles yet ahead for them, and for us as their parents. Thank you for sharing this powerful post today, I am SO glad you did.
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My parents would not allow us to have barbie dolls when we were little. At 30, I can definitely see the wisdom in that!