In the interest of being “real,” I must say that my meetup was not what I expected. I thought my follow-up post would be different than this. But this is real, and so here goes.
I wish I could say that it was life changing and I forged ahead with new friendships that would carry on and someday we would look back at that exact moment in time when we first clicked the meetup link and know that is where our bosom friendship began but in all honesty I highly doubt that will be the case. Although, you never know.
Sometimes, there are pivotal moments only seen in retrospect.
But sometimes life is just, life. Sometimes people come and go and they don’t connect on a super deep intimate level. Sometimes there is an instant attraction and bond and people go on to form those friendships and sometimes they don’t. Some of the attendees I’ve known for years, and some I’m just beginning to know, some I just met. But that’s ok.
If I’ve learned anything over the years after being in varying degrees of relationship with other women it’s this, we’re not all meant to be BFF’s. There are numerous women I admire, I enjoy, or I have things in common with that will never be my BFF by no fault on anyone’s part.
Jesus had 12. And out of those, he had three who he was the closest to. He didn’t exclude others and he obviously reached out to community, everywhere he went he was drawing people but he walked with those 12. He served with those 12.
I have a small handful that I am walking with.
That’s ok. As women, we’re all still part of the body of Christ. We may not all be exchanging friendship bracelets and learning super secret handshakes but we all need to know that we belong. And we do, we all belong. Because of who binds us.
Whether we blog or not. Whether we homeschool our children or work outside of the home. Whether we are married or single. Old or young. We are His people. As Anne Voskamp says, the Jesus women. And I’m here, fully in. Fully open to whatever He brings. But sometimes what he brings is a process.
I faced some discouragement as the number of attendees dwindled due to scheduling conflicts and I wondered why I was bothering with all of this. I would’ve been just as happy to tune in alone in my pj’s. So why did I feel this conviction to host when it’s the last thing I enjoy?
When my router broke the day before the meetup and I couldn’t get the wireless signal to broadcast without glitching out the video every few seconds, I was near tears.
The only computer working was the one connected to the modem upstairs. Short of us all gathering on my bed in my room, the video was not going to work. And with the state my room was in, I wasn’t willing to be that real. There are limits, people.
It was a Friday and we couldn’t get it fixed until Monday. I had a meetup at my house in less than 24 hours.
Why God? This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. I’m trying to be obedient here and you are not helping me out, Lord!
I sent out a tweet for prayer and I know it was heard. Dayspring contacted me immediately and offered to overnight the videos so the show could go on. To me, it was God saying, “I’ve got this.”
I am open to new friendships and I want to be available for anything God wants me to do, like hosting this meetup. But I have to leave the results of anything I do in his hands. I’ve learned from blogging and from this event that I can’t manufacture movement. If no one shows up, if no one reads my words, if no one tunes in, that’s ok. Because he’s got it. I just show up.
I can’t speak for the other attendees but in many ways, this meetup was a testing of my obedience and willingness to step out in faith in an area where I am weak. Hospitality and cleaning. I think I succeeded in the hospitality, and failed miserably in the cleaning but hey, no one can do it all, remember? Lisa Jo said so.
So while my meetup downstairs looked like that, my upstairs looked like this. Keepin it real, gals. Can you see why hosting from my room was out of the question?
Was it worth it? Yes. The content spoke deeply to my heart and my desire to serve all out, to choose joy, to reach beyond myself, to minister with my whole life. To use my voice no matter how small. And we did laugh. And eat yummy treats.
It may or may not have touched others in the same way or at the same place, but I leave all of it in His trusted care.
He’s the one who meets us in real life. He always shows up.
Keepin’ it REAL!! I appreciate your heart so much Alia! I wish beyond wishing that I could have been there, as you know it was on my calendar for months. Instead I tuned in from home on both days. It just wasn’t the same because my heart aches to connect to other woman in a “real” deep way.
Time, and the stress of life, work, children and piles of laundry, dishes, bills…they all get in the way. Oh, and of course the dreaded “D” word, depression sets in at all the absolute wrong times further driving me to stay home and isolate when what my heart needs is to be real with others.
I am so glad that you stepped out and obeyed! Please know…that even though I wasn’t able to be there, your bedroom looks much the same as mine, and I am weak in those same areas.
The cry of my heart is to be in relationship with other “Jesus Woman” and slowly, ever so slowly He is showing up for me.
I wept many a tear while watching the (in)RL webcast and subsequent videos alone (well not quite alone I had a 3 yr old and a 9 month old with me doing interval napping). But I know that He was holding me tight, even though it didn’t feel like it.
Thank you for blogging and thank you for reaching out.
You ROCK!
Stacey
Stacey!
Thanks Stacey, I’m sorry you couldn’t make it too. It’s definitely better to watch together than alone so maybe the next one we’ll make sure you can get involved. I think I’ll be trying to organize a girls get together night every few months were we can all just hang out like the old days. I’ll let you know. I know a lot of women right now wanting to be in deeper relationship with each other but who weren’t able to make it to (in)RL the other night.
I thought you did great and it was good! I loved seeing you go all out and host, lead, etc. You seemed like a natural! For the 2 1/2 hour time we were all together and meeting new people, it was awesome. You can’t compare it to a weekend retreat where woman are bonding for three days over food, late nights, deep questions and bon fires!
HmmHmm! You have quite a supportive group around you and it will continue to build, so press in, because I truly, truly believe community is something that our growth hinges on! We need eachother, for sharpening, encouragement, and like Gypsy Mama said, a Jesus in the flesh! How awesome is that!!!
I loved what was said and it shed light into the blogging community and online world. Maybe one day I’ll find people who get me if I ever share online. It was encouraged to try to step out and make those connections, maybe even half way around the world, and join hands to pour ourselves out for God.
The community talk has been a bit hard for me recently, I’m struggling through that with God right now. So I may not have been as motivated to talk and share like I normally do. We’ve tried for so long and it’s left us exhausted. And lately, probably in my own selfishness, I’ve backed off and stopped trying so hard. So on one hand I am passionate and fired up about that stuff and on the other, I have kind of clammed up and don’t want to go there. God is working on my heart!
But, I encourage you to keep pressing into what God is stirring you in! You have a community of online bloggers that you are networking with and some new found local kindred spirits. Plus, your lovely, wonderful sister-in-laws!
Thanks Sarah, it wasn’t that anything went wrong or was bad at the meetup. I think I just expected this depth to happen that never quite got there. I think that’s just the introvert in me. I expect a whole lot of deep or it doesn’t have as much meaning. I’m probably too intense in that respect but overall I did enjoy myself totally. I just felt a bit disconnected and wondered if others were feeling the same way. Like I said, it could have totally just been me and my own nerves. And I’m glad I did it. I had a great time, it just looked different than what I had pictured in my mind. Maybe some of that is because I was picturing it with certain people there and they couldn’t make it and that made it look different. But ya know, I’ll party with you any day.
Girl,
I am really proud of you for stepping out and going outside your comfort zone. God will redeem all of your efforts and energy. Thank you for being so transparent. You are amazing.
PS – I like the blog revamp.
Hope to see you soon,
Debi
DK Stangeland recently posted..Tourist Office – Appreciating the Now
Debi, You were seriously missed! I hope you had a great time traipsing about Alaska but seriously, next time you must attend! Thanks for all your encouragement. You are amazing as well.
Keeps you (me) trusting in Him instead of the outline, agenda, or equipment. I love that.
Maggie S. recently posted..New Season of Life; Handling Blessing
Maggie, so true. And isn’t it easier to rely on our giftings and talent, outline and agenda. This trusting stuff is hard.
Learning bit by bit. Thanks friend, I missed you around here for a bit.
Alia,
I remember reading your tweet and wondered how it was resolved. That’s just great. If I’d been at your meetup and we had been in your room, I couldn’t have paid attention. I’m dying over that amazing stash of fabric you’ve got there – just being real. Finding you and your blog has been a gift to me. After this event I was thinking the same thing about a group of twelve and a circle of 3. It’s relieving to know we can have outer circle friends and that’s okay.
Amy Tilson recently posted..Coming up for Air
Ha!! Yes, I do love fabric. I have so much because I buy it for projects but never have time to actually sew much. One of these days, I’ll have one of those things called free time. I’ve heard of it. It’s something people have before they have kids. Or after they’re grown up and moved out. Thanks so much for your sweet words. Seriously, they mean a lot to me. I love having you as a reader and I’m blessed by your heart.
For the record, my dear, Alia, I had a fabulous time and thought you did a wonderful job stepping out into obedience. I only wish that I did not have to leave for work (no, wait, I am glad that work was an option–I should be careful what I say : }) so early because I feel like we could have talked for much longer and would have loved the freedom to linger.
I think that your strongest point was this:
‘But I have to leave the results of anything I do in his hands. I’ve learned from blogging and from this event that I can’t manufacture movement. If no one shows up, if no one reads my words, if no one tunes in, that’s ok. Because he’s got it. I just show up.’
That is where I am too…but I am glad to be there with you.
Kathi recently posted..Remember That Time…?
Yay Kathi, I’m so glad you enjoyed yourself! Maybe that was it. My night owl tendencies felt sorely neglected when everyone left.lol I’ve been known to “deep” talk till ummm 4:30 am before with friends. Next time we’ll have a girls night, stay in our pj’s, and have a “talk over.” Glad to be in all of this real life stuff with you, friend. I’m so glad to have you showing up too.
Dayspring overnighted you the videos? I’m impressed.
I’m proud of you for stepping out
If it makes you feel better, a small fraction of the registered-RSVPed-and-paid women attended our local gathering. (We had a really great time, there just weren’t many of us. I hope that didn’t get my hostess down too much.)
Anne @ Modern Mrs Darcy recently posted..Welcome to The Book That Changed My Life Carnival!
I know, right? I was super impressed. They were amazing! I think I was bummed because some of the people that couldn’t make it really wanted to be there and others really needed to be there because they’ve been longing for this kind of connection but couldn’t swing it with other responsibilities. I think the whole night I had a vision of them missing out and I felt so bad that they weren’t there to be a part of it all. Maybe that’s just God’s way of saying these things need to happen more and I need to make room in my life for that on a more regular basis. Still processing it all. I hope it didn’t come across negatively because that wasn’t my intention. Maybe I shouldn’t write posts when I’m premenstrual and overtired. I think it may have come across wrong.
Alia Joy, in the interest of being “real”, I have to say this was incredibly refreshing! You’re always a breath of fresh air in the blogosphere. I know just what you mean — not everyone you meet will become your BFF, and that’s not just okay, it’s NORMAL! So many bloggers feel pressured to make every post into a shiny happy place, when in reality we all have ups and downs, and not every encounter fills us up in the way we might have wanted.
Sometimes it’s hard to decide how much of yourself to reveal — like when you really “get” a certain blogger and love her heart, but you’re swamped and sort of lose touch for a while, even though you didn’t intend to! *ahem*
I’m proud of you for stepping outside your comfort zone to host, and for having the courage to be real.
Blessings,
Jana
Jana recently posted..Moving Beyond the Milk
Thanks Jana. I feel the same way about you in terms of your authenticity and letting people into your “mess.”
I wondered after I published it if maybe it seemed negative because that was not my intention and after reading all of the other posts on (in)RL I thought maybe I shouldn’t have written anything since mine didn’t seem to match up, so I’m really blessed and encouraged by your words here. Whoa there run on sentence. lol Blessed by you today.
Alia,
I am SO that way too. Sigh, how I can talk into a new day without even realizing it; I relish connection like that actually. However, you’re right, that kind of connection doesn’t happen with everyone and that’s okay.
You did a fabulous job facilitating. While I was sitting there, I silently wished that we all the luxury of doing a full weekend of sharing and learning. I think the InRL concept met us where we are . . . Busy, exhausted women who long for community.
Thank you so much for opening your heart and home. You are a blessing Alia!
April
April, Jen and I chatted once until 4:30 am. I haven’t done that since… Well a long time. She is dangerously fun to hang out with. Yes, I would love a whole weekend but it can be so hard to find the time with everyone’s schedules. I’m glad we connect when we can and I’m so glad you were able to make it. I think a girls night is in order in the near(ish) future.
Alia,
You are the real deal. I know how that feels – to have all these heaps of expectation and then the let down that can come when it’s not realized. And I think you’re wiser than me because of this: “I’ve learned from blogging and from this event that I can’t manufacture movement. If no one shows up, if no one reads my words, if no one tunes in, that’s ok. Because he’s got it. I just show up.”
Yes, He has, hasn’t it?
And we need everyone’s stories. We are a body after all. Each part is important. Each experience relevant. And having a heart willing to step out, to open up, to be present – well, that’s how community starts. And sometimes it clicks right off the bat and sometimes, like Kristen Strong shared, it takes a lot longer and in the wait we get to wait with God.
Thank you for both your courage and your honesty.
I think you are lovely,
Lisa-Jo
Lisa-Jo@thegypsymama recently posted..The growing pains of motherhood
Lisa-Jo, Thanks so much for all of the time you put into community. I have been so blessed by your space and your stories and the friendships formed through that silly little thing called five minute Fridays. I’ve met an amazing community of bloggers through our shared 5 minutes and it’s helped me to grow in this space as well. Ok, I’m kind of geeking out because I am so in love with your blog. I’ll stop now, but I think you’re lovely as well.
Alia, your post here is such a blessing. I absolutely know what you mean — in the frustration we can feel when our hopes and expectations for connection don’t go to the depth that we hoped they would. And I love Your trust in Him, and the reminder about Jesus being open to whomever the Father called to Himself, while pouring Himself steadfastly, more intimately, into 12 of His closest friends. This is such encouragement. I hope I can give you a hug in person at Allume! I just love your vulnerable, open heart. Gratefully, Jennifer
Jennifer recently posted..That new thing
Jennifer, Thanks so much. I can’t wait to meet you at Allume. I am finding such a beautiful community here online and I am so excited to meet so many of my favorite bloggers there this year, you being one of them.