I wish I could say that it was life changing and I forged ahead with new friendships that would carry on and someday we would look back at that exact moment in time when we first clicked the meetup link and know that is where our bosom friendship began but in all honesty I highly doubt that will be the case. Although, you never know.
Sometimes, there are pivotal moments only seen in retrospect.
But sometimes life is just, life. Sometimes people come and go and they don’t connect on a super deep intimate level. Sometimes there is an instant attraction and bond and people go on to form those friendships and sometimes they don’t. Some of the attendees I’ve known for years, and some I’m just beginning to know, some I just met. But that’s ok.
If I’ve learned anything over the years after being in varying degrees of relationship with other women it’s this, we’re not all meant to be BFF’s. There are numerous women I admire, I enjoy, or I have things in common with that will never be my BFF by no fault on anyone’s part.
Jesus had 12. And out of those, he had three who he was the closest to. He didn’t exclude others and he obviously reached out to community, everywhere he went he was drawing people but he walked with those 12. He served with those 12.
I have a small handful that I am walking with.
That’s ok. As women, we’re all still part of the body of Christ. We may not all be exchanging friendship bracelets and learning super secret handshakes but we all need to know that we belong. And we do, we all belong. Because of who binds us.
Whether we blog or not. Whether we homeschool our children or work outside of the home. Whether we are married or single. Old or young. We are His people. As Anne Voskamp says, the Jesus women. And I’m here, fully in. Fully open to whatever He brings. But sometimes what he brings is a process.
I faced some discouragement as the number of attendees dwindled due to scheduling conflicts and I wondered why I was bothering with all of this. I would’ve been just as happy to tune in alone in my pj’s. So why did I feel this conviction to host when it’s the last thing I enjoy?
When my router broke the day before the meetup and I couldn’t get the wireless signal to broadcast without glitching out the video every few seconds, I was near tears.
The only computer working was the one connected to the modem upstairs. Short of us all gathering on my bed in my room, the video was not going to work. And with the state my room was in, I wasn’t willing to be that real. There are limits, people.
It was a Friday and we couldn’t get it fixed until Monday. I had a meetup at my house in less than 24 hours.
Why God? This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. I’m trying to be obedient here and you are not helping me out, Lord!
I sent out a tweet for prayer and I know it was heard. Dayspring contacted me immediately and offered to overnight the videos so the show could go on. To me, it was God saying, “I’ve got this.”
I am open to new friendships and I want to be available for anything God wants me to do, like hosting this meetup. But I have to leave the results of anything I do in his hands. I’ve learned from blogging and from this event that I can’t manufacture movement. If no one shows up, if no one reads my words, if no one tunes in, that’s ok. Because he’s got it. I just show up.
I can’t speak for the other attendees but in many ways, this meetup was a testing of my obedience and willingness to step out in faith in an area where I am weak. Hospitality and cleaning. I think I succeeded in the hospitality, and failed miserably in the cleaning but hey, no one can do it all, remember? Lisa Jo said so.
So while my meetup downstairs looked like that, my upstairs looked like this. Keepin it real, gals. Can you see why hosting from my room was out of the question?
Was it worth it? Yes. The content spoke deeply to my heart and my desire to serve all out, to choose joy, to reach beyond myself, to minister with my whole life. To use my voice no matter how small. And we did laugh. And eat yummy treats.
It may or may not have touched others in the same way or at the same place, but I leave all of it in His trusted care.
He’s the one who meets us in real life. He always shows up.