Finding Joy on the Journey in Faith, Family, and all Things in Between.
My foot always landed with part of my heel over the line or my toe inching into the next box. I blame the fact that my feet outgrew my body and while I jumped and landed solidly, my sturdy little frame balancing in the boxes, I always seemed to be not quite in the right spot when my feet touched the ground. We'd dump the carton of chalk, always white never the rainbow hues, and scratch out our … [Read more...]
Dear Chihuahua of Fear, I remember when you used to hang around in my 5th grade classroom, sitting behind me as we recited the pledge of allegiance and I spread my thin palm across my already expanding chest. I remember when you whispered I didn't fit. Not just in the white cotton training bras but in life. I was old from youth, weathered already and tired. My almond-shaped eyes … [Read more...]
I closed the door behind me and melted to the floor, my back against the wall. I pulled my knees into my chest and sobbed, my cries rising in sync with the furious wails of my baby. I didn't know what else to do. I had thrown up all morning, my throat raw and burning even as I cried. I couldn't do this anymore. How did anyone do this? I couldn't even handle the baby I already had and a … [Read more...]
The song is set to repeat. We do it 7 times, complete with hand motions for Age of Imperialism, Queen Victoria, Empress of India 1877, 1948, assassination, passive resistance, India's independence, Mohandas Gandhi . It takes our fingers and bodies to make the memories etch into our muscles, our minds. And it works. I remember obscure dates and facts about Columbus, Westward Expansion, the split … [Read more...]
Judah, There is something so significant in the relationship with one’s firstborn. You were the fire that tried me. And I know that often, so often, I failed in the flames. And yet, there you were, handed to me in that room, a perfect gift to a mother so unworthy. I studied you and you seemed to know that I was utterly clueless. Oh, I had my ideas, my goals, all dashed at the first nursing … [Read more...]
We gather pretty paper and stickers. I have actually printed out pictures from my computer, something I rarely do. And we sit to write. To our children. Nehemiah proudly calls him, "my friend Jonathan," and talks about Africa as if it were a place we might go visit this afternoon, like the park or a friend's house. He has no concept of oceans and continents and worlds apart and … [Read more...]
He's stomping. The heel walk thudding up the stairs. I hear his door close. Not slammed because he knows better but loud enough to display his surly temper. And I wonder at this eleven year old man-child, so like me in his temperament and yet I find myself constantly at odds with him. I go to his room. Pursue him. I am right in this. I am his mother and my decision won't change regardless … [Read more...]
I was seven. We had packed our old Toyota Landcruiser with blankets and pillows, suitcases and an old igloo filled with snacks. And we set off. My parents were good at this. Adventure. My dad would shuttle us all into the car and we would end up at a river diving in with all of our clothes and shivering our way home as he cranked the heater up. We were never prepared. Spontaneity is … [Read more...]
My fists are clenched. My first reaction, to rip the door open and release a torrent of verbal assault on these kids, is tempered by the fact that I am in fact an adult and a professing Christian. The neighbor boys, small and innocent looking, not much bigger than Kaia, stand on my doorstep. I tell them to leave, that Judah will not come out to 'play,' and that if they continue to come … [Read more...]
We have been knee-deep in book bags around our house. Our local library hosts a great summer reading program with coupons, prizes, and free books for every 3 hours of reading. They even have an adult reading program! Since we clock a lot of hours reading around here, my kids are especially excited to fill our library bags on each trip, since it now means prizes. So when my friend Mari asked … [Read more...]
They are coltish, wobbling on strappy sandals, their wedges creating even longer legs, jutting from their teeny tiny shorts. They hobble along in clusters of three or four, their long hair cascading down their backs and brushing over bare shoulders. Their shiny lip-gloss sending off tiny glinting sparkles like confetti thrown at a party. They swing their pink striped bags jauntily. Victoria's … [Read more...]
It's Friday. Time to write free. Won't you join us over at the Gypsy Mama? This weeks prompt: Dance They twirl all tulle and ribbons flying out about their tiny hips. Wobbly pirouettes on baby legs, some with chubby rolls enveloped by pink tights Their feet alternate between tentative little skips with pointy toes and loud jarring thumps as they land on the glossy wooden … [Read more...]
They sit perched on the corner of my bed. I have yet to scrape away the eye boogies stuck in the corner of my lids. I haven't had my morning coffee. "What are we going to do today?" Can we have (insert friends name) over? Can we have a BBQ and invite everyone in the entire world over?" It's summer. During the school year, our days tend to run in an order of books, lessons, and activities … [Read more...]
I've gotten better at saying no to obligations or requests that don't work for our family or my schedule. I'm less inclined in my thirties to worry about people pleasing in general, and am able to set more realistic boundaries concerning things I am willing to commit my time and energy to. But with my kids, sometimes my yes is yes and my no is no. But often my yes, is maybe, or let me think … [Read more...]
To my dearest Kaia, I know you long for the letters to make sense, to unite themselves and speak to you. I know each syllable is a battle for you and I see you fighting. By the time you are able to read this well, you will have won the battle. You will have put in the hours of tracing your finger along the page and sounding out each painstaking phonics rule with your brows knit tight and the … [Read more...]
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