I am leaving to go to a women’s blogging conference today. Blissdom will commence Thursday, after 700 women of all different backgrounds, writing styles, blog niches, and outfits converge on Nashville,Tennessee. The twitter boards are alive and jumping with nervous anticipation and excitement. And fear. So much fear.
Many of the women in my #Blissdomnewbies group have never been to a conference like this. Some, like me, haven’t been blogging for long at all and are still learning everything. Some have done it for years, and some have many years behind them but are just now starting to desire more from the blogging experience. A lot of us don’t know another soul. I’m lucky enough to have a bloggy friend I’ve made this year who will be there and that has given me some assurance that I’m not completely alone in a brand new city amidst a sea of women tweeting into their iPhones.
Watching these twitter boards and the conversations that flow out of them I’ve noticed a few things, and boy, do I relate!
1. Women really do want to belong.
We want to have community, we want to be one of the girls. Even the introverts (like me) want to make connections with other people who get us. Who understand that we live to write. It’s a part of me that God has created and I as I am trusting Him, I’m feeling his pleasure. It’s so important for all of us to feel connected to each other both in what we are passionate about and also with people who are different from us that we can learn from. Community is essential no matter what you do with your life.
2. Women are afraid of other women.
Maybe it’s the classic mean girls scenario that plays in your head, or the traumatic sleepover you went to in fifth grade where your “friends,” put your underwear in the freezer. Girls can be mean. When my son used to squabble with his cousin/best friend, we always knew it because someone got punched or pushed. It was all out and aggressive and then it was over. Both of them knew they were mad and both expressed it, albeit not in the best way. At least it was quickly remedied. Girls tend to one-up each other. They don’t punch each other but they jab with snide comments or the obvious exclusion of the ostracized girl. The passive-aggressive pathology of girl relationships is astounding in our culture. They have the better outfit or the better hair, and they’re gonna make sure you know it too. Some women may still be this way, but I’d venture to say that most are not. And if you see someone being a mean girl, go out of your way to be a nice one. I admit, I’ve been really hurt by girls in my life. But these past years have brought slow redemption and I am open to friendships with women where I used to be closed off. Although, there a lot of worries about fitting in at a conference like this while everyone else is witty and dazzling and you feel like you might win the award for most awkward presence in the room, most people have admitted to feeling the exact same way.
3. Women compare… A LOT.
We do. We judge and rank and profile. We hope we’re not on the bottom of the rung. We wonder if we are still a blogger if we only have a few readers, most of whom include our own family, or if we have a voice if we’re not married yet or don’t have kids. We wonder if anyone really cares what we’re saying. We wonder if the “big” bloggers out there are going to shun us with their cool big bloggerness ( yes, that is absolutely a word.) We wonder if our hair is ok, if our clothes are right, if we pack too much or too little. We wonder who’s going to wear what so we can also decide. We compare. But the truth is that we’re all so different. We all have something intrinsically unique about us and we all bring something different to the table. Be you and be great at it! You’ll never fail.
Blissdom ladies photo credit: angryjuliemonday
4. When women get to connect in community, move past insecurity, fear, and comparison, we have a blast.
I already know I’m going to have a blast because I really don’t feel nervous anymore. I worked through all the “oh, I’m just a small blog… ” and am truly embracing it all. I’m certain there are going to be women who still feel insecure and are comparing and I say, ” I want to find them and make them feel great about themselves.” I am one of the last people to ever offer false flattery, ask my sister-in-law who went shopping with me once; I am honest. I’m not going to go around passing out fluffy comments just because, that’s not me. But because of my introversion, I am good at getting to know people and really looking deep for that special thing about them that makes them worth getting to know and maybe they’ll see that thing in me too. I’m hoping to make some great new relationships.
Whether you are attending a blogging conference or not, women feel these things. Make an effort to encourage someone in something you genuinely admire about them. Be you, and don’t worry about the rest. So bon voyage, I’m off to be Alia. I’ll be updating small picture posts for the week so stay tuned for all my experiences at my first blogging conference.
Fantastic! I love this post because it is so true! Can’t wait to meet you & get to know what makes you, you.
Kristi @ Creative Kristi recently posted..Friday Freebie | {Imperfections}
Can’t wait to meet you Kristi. Your site has been really helpful with your tutorials and your Blissdom prep printouts. See you there.
Hi Alia! (side note: my daughter’s name is Aliza Joy; I accidentally almost called YOU that!)
I think this is such a great reflection – not just on blogging conferences, but on our need for community. And the thing about blogging is that it can be very isolating when it comes to sharing it with our 3-D friends. I have only a handful of friends in my flesh and blood community who blog, and of those, none are really interesting in the concept of growing a blog and getting the most out of it.
For those of us who derive some purpose in our online writing, connecting with community is essential. I’ve been blogging for over six years and just went to my first conference (BlogHer) last year. This will be my first Blissdom, too! Now that I’ve gotten a taste of how fulfilling a blog conference can be, I want more!
Thanks for sharing your heart and your reflections here. I hope we bump into each other this week!
Megan at SortaCrunchy recently posted..Once Upon a Time Tuesday: What Happened to Frederick
Megan, I really want to meet you too. I have read your blog for a long time and I could tell I’d like you when I saw all the styles you put together and your pins on Pinterest.
Hope to see you there.
Hi Alia! I’m a fellow introvert headed to my first blogging conference, too! LOVE this reflection, it definitely sums up what I’ve been feeling as I’ve been getting ready this week. (Although if we get to meet you’ll be able to tell that I kind of stopped caring about looking terrific/packing well/etc! It’s too much work!)
I hope we get to meet this weekend!
Anne @ Modern Mrs Darcy recently posted..I’m Headed to Blissdom! Here’s What That Means For Me–and You!
Anne, Can’t wait to meet you. I’m sure I’ll see you there. I’m doing two of the writing sessions you are so I’ll flag you down.
Yes, do! I’ll look for you too. Can’t wait to meet you!
Anne @ Modern Mrs Darcy recently posted..I’m Headed to Blissdom! Here’s What That Means For Me–and You!
I love this post! All true, and really puts it in perspective.
maggie S. recently posted..Girl, Please…I am Totally Cool with This. No, Really, I am
Thanks Maggie. I’d love to meet you.
Beautiful insight! I had many of those obstacles as I attended Relevant11 last October, but you are right, beyond it all, we have a blast in community and there is nothing like it. Have a wonderful time!!
Jacque @ Mercy Found Me recently posted..For When We Surrender and Sacrifice to Remember
Thanks Jacque, I really want to go to Relevant this year but we’ll see if it works out. I got to Nashville last night and so far, I am having a blast. Thanks for visiting my blog again and maybe we’ll meet if you end up at Relevant this year.
Thank you for this post! As a fellow introvert attending my first blogger conference, I really appreciate you putting allthethings I’ve been worrying about into perspective so beautifully.
Danielle, I really hope to meet you. Are you going to be at the Blissdom newbie meetup? Track me down or tweet me @NarrowPaths2HP. I love your blog and would love to meet up.
You know, just the other day I was considering inviting you to go shopping with me in hopes that you could help point the way… I may have to reconsider. ; )
Kathi, Bwa ha ha ha. Yes, I am known for my honesty. I’m not mean I swear, I just will answer truthfully when asked.
LOVE! Honesty is awesome. Especially when shopping. That’s why I only ever ask people out for coffee.
Hope you are having a wonderful time!
Alia, I don’t think you could have posted this at a better time. Just the other day I posted on fb how nothing intimidates me more than a room full of women. It holds me back from being my fun crazy self. I really hope you have fun at your convention and look forward to your updates.
Melissa recently posted..Words With Friends mani
Thanks Melissa. I think it’s a pretty common fear for so many of us. Thanks for visiting my site and I’ll keep you updated as the conference goes on.
Oh alia !!! I love you so!!You are my sister in law!!! And you are wonderful..anyone will blessed to get to know you this weekend !!! Xoxoxoxo Anna
Love you too sis.