Day 4
When I write posts like this , it would seem I am a cynical bitter woman. And in some ways, you might be right. But if you met me, you’d probably think differently. Because although I felt all of those things, made those judgements: I am still wholly idealistic. And this is where some of the biggest danger to a love for the church lies.
I love the image of the bride. The perfection and luminance. I love the pictures of God’s universal church made pure and united together, a body beautiful. Each joint and sinew moving fluid like spirit, radiating light. Each encounter healing and whole.
I will gladly link hearts with the persecuted church, the ones in chains, the ones that suffer for a chance to be two or more gathered. There is a suspension of my reality, from comfy pews and air conditioning, to a place where the devoted live and die and breathe God in the spaces they share. I love the Moravians packing their belonging into coffins and sailing into slavery to carry the gospel knowing they would never know a home here. That every earthly sacrifice was worth the price of the God they loved and the church they wanted to see bought with blood.
And it’s this church that my mind loves. Like a phantom limb aching and out-of-place. An apparition I’ve only dreamed about but never really seen.
And here, I can choose not to. I can choose to judge church by the emotional reaction I have to a message preached hard and convicting. And I can go home and decide I have too much stuff, and I can sponsor a child or two or three, and I can be moved by the message enough to wade through my purse for my crumpled church program and scratch out notes that should be life but later wraps the wad of wintergreen spit out before coffee.
I can take actions and feel better without ever letting my emotions turn to revelation and drip deep down my marrow and penetrate into soul and spirit. I can like the status that spreads news of clean water, or family values, or a scripture typed onto the perfect picture of a dahlia; it’s ripening petals cascading full and red, without ever counting the cost.
I can be the church so easily here. Because it seems to require nothing of me. But I can be left unsatisfied, or worse, satiated just enough to float on. And either way, I’ve lost something.
And I have done both. One might think a more passionate fervor for the ideal church would spurn on growth and zeal, reformation and repentance. But I’ve found that those who set forth high ideals have the misguided notion that they build the church, myself included.
We don’t.
Christ alone builds the church. And when I find myself fumbling about with ideals of what my Christian church community should look like, even if my heart is well-intentioned and honest, I become pretentious. My pride sets a standard that thrashes at grace and forgiveness and teeters on demands that my brothers and sisters and myself must meet.
I indict God when my church fails me. God, your bride is wretched and I will not love her.
My heart fashions a throne to the idols based on tenets of good Christianity: Service, sacrifice, zeal, compassion, wisdom, justice and the list continues ,ever growing. And these, my friends, are good and worthy things. But they are not the only things.
What do you think? Do you think idealism or apathy hurt the church more? Or equally? Or not at all, or something else? I’d love to hear from you.
I linked up with
This is such an intense post. And I love it! This is how I imagine many of us wrestle between the world and the Kingdom of God. We see and experience so much from abuse, injustice, and starvation..on the list goes. Yet we, as the Body, forget that self righteousness is what led to the fall of many religious leaders over the years and so we must caution one another and extend grace as much as possible. I could probably respond with an entire blog post of my own, but I’m looking forward to the other responses you get. I’ll pass this link along to some friends.
Lisa recently posted..We Could Be Resting All Along
Thanks Lisa. If you do end up writing a blog post, let me know. I’d love to read your thoughts too.
“God, your bride is wretched and I will not love her.”
It is wretched, isn’t it? Do we ever get over that? It’s not much different than when we finally get it that husbands and best friends fail, that everyone fails. Everyone. Including the church.
I hate hate having to live as imperfect creatures. Really hate it. And the church is in the same boat. His bride, but imperfect.
That’s when I had to start thinking about the church in a different way. Not a haven. Not an icon. Not perfect. Not yet.
The church is not our mother. It does not feed us. It does not protect us. It can’t because it is broken, too.
What it can do is provide a format where we can bind together, even in our inadequacies, and be stronger together than we are apart.
Yes, you’re so right that there is such a deficiency in the church since we are all fallen and broken and imperfect. But I do always come back to the sanctification that happens when believers are together. Not salvation but the discipling of the body. Isn’t the church supposed to take part in that and if so, how does that look if we aren’t a part of one? I love the idea of stronger together than apart and there is a lot of scripture to support that as one of the church’s major functions. I’ll be writing more about it in the next month. So thankful for your insight here.
This is an ongoing discussion, isn’t it? Really liking what Grace says below.
JoAnne Potter recently posted..Sniffing Does’t Work
Yes, and I’m so glad it’s a discussion people are willing to have because I don’t believe we can abandon church. But defining what it is is vital if we are to embrace it. And get healing from the areas where church, our ideals of church, or our church’s failings have let us down or turned us off.
In studying the 7 churches in Revelation, I think apathy hurts the church the most. Not caring about heart revival, uninterested in the lives of those we worship with, not hot or cold…happy to sing, to pray and to listen to a sermon but the worship isn’t more than a form. I love your statement, “Christ alone builds the church.” I want to be willing to allow Him to build it then I need to respond to the building.
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Yes, I love the study of Revelation’s church letters. We really can see the spectrum of a fallen or broken church in some of them, can’t we? I agree that apathy is devastating and I can totally see your point that the church with apathetic hearts would be useless. But, and this is just my thought, useless people tend to cause less problems. They typically stay out of the way. And while they don’t reflect God, they also don’t muddle things up much. One would wonder if those with truly apathetic hearts even understand the gospel of grace and are in fact saved? It seems like the zealous ones cause lots of trouble in that they take the gospel into their hands and add to it a portion of performance that is not there. Similar in fact to the pharisees who sought a perfect religion but not a true Messiah. These are just my thoughts as I do agree that both heart conditions are not where God wants us.
Yes, what would church look like if we truly understood that God builds it and we were simply obedient to his foundation and structure as vessels instead of actively constructing with our own sinful ideas.
Thanks so much for your perspective. I’ll have to go back and reread Revelation now. You’ve got me thinking.
I think if the church would realise she is broken it would make all the difference. If we would say “we don’t have all the answers, but we can have some fun exploring and questioning” – for me anyway, that would make all the difference. It could be an adventure, but instead it’s more like “We know what it’s about, come to us, because we have the answers” – which more of ten than not leads to disillusionment and disappointment.
Totally relate to what you’re saying, Grace. I agree that the church is broken and yet at the same time, God calls us to be wholly a part of it as His bride and in that way it is pure and unblemished in His eyes, clothed in grace. So the question is, how do we accept it as imperfect with tons of questions, and still embrace it as the way God meant for us to show His glory? You’re certainly right that it is an adventure. And it is hard when there are so many different voices saying this is the way. I suppose humility is the basis for letting our hands fit into Gods and not the other way around. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Grace.
Find another way of ‘doing church’ perhaps? Go on an ‘God-exploration adventure’ with some like-minded friends? I am not so sure that God tells us we have to be part of the institutional church.
Yes, that is a big question, isn’t it? Is institutional church necessary and if so, why? I’ve heard compelling arguments from both sides and everywhere in between and haven’t landed yet. I think God will always reward those who seek Him, so a God-exploration adventure makes sense in some ways. Interesting thoughts here.
Maybe our idea of the church as an institution is at fault here. It doesn’t have to be. It didn’t used to be.
JoAnne Potter recently posted..Sniffing Does’t Work
So many of your words hit home here. My husband and I are a total blend of idealism and cynicism. “And when I find myself fumbling about with ideals of what my Christian church community should look like, even if my heart is well-intentioned and honest, I become pretentious.” That is us. Because we have seen the life the could be and we long for it…but we do forget, though we might say the words, that Christ Alone is building. Yet, I so desire to leave the path of apathy and to worship boldly and brightly.
Marissa recently posted..One of those days
It’s an odd mix huh? I depend on God so much with my struggles for balance and clarity because I tend towards cynicism and I know it’s ugly and easy and I have to make the choice toward what is good and pure and noble and I don’t always do it right. And yes, there is a tension in all of our Christian walks between God’s demands for righteousness because He is a Holy God and His grace for us the sinner because we are fallen. How do we worship? In spirit and in truth. Thanks so much Marissa. You’re kindred.
I came across this today…
“To live above with the saints we love
Oh, that will be glory.
To live below with the saints we know,
Well, that’s another story”
Love that. And how true. A few lines can sum it up. It must be hard spot in some ways for you as a pastor because church is such a confusing, tender place for people and we all come with expectations and emotions and baggage. To live below is definitely trying at times.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. My breath came out long and hard after reading that. And I am humbled and wrecked with my heart beating frantic. “I indict God when my church fails me.” Idealism or Apathy – I think the church suffers from both. One holding imaginations/wishes as higher than truth and reality and the other a lack of interest of concern – both seem to be devoid of the truth – the truth of the beauty of the Body of Christ… And my conviction lies in both of these paradigms… My heart echoes Marissa’s “Yet, I so desire to leave the path of apathy and to worship boldly and brightly…”
Tonya Salomons recently posted..Faith: For the Days When the Map Doesn’t Make Sense
Yes, we really do suffer from both. So how do we love the church passionately? Commit wholeheartedly to something that in this world is broken and yet still yearn for the holiness of God and the bold worship that comes when we cling to grace and enter His presence free? I’m praying for wisdom in the journey back to loving God’s church. Thanks for the encouragement along the way, Tonya.
I so wish I had that answer… As someone who has been disappointed by church… I may be somewhat skeptical… However… My current posture… Knees bent, palms open is a healing place. Prayers to you Alia.
Yes Tonya, and we do have a good God who meets us on knees and fills empty hands and heals open wounds. Praying for you as well as myself to release the disappointment and find fulfillment instead.
Oh wow. Such punch in those words, “I will not love her”. This is a good challenge. Thank you.
Tanya Marlow recently posted..In a far country
Thanks Tanya. It is a challenge for myself and others to ask ourselves, ‘Do we love the things God loves?
what comes to mind is truth-in-love. apathy cannot (or won’t) love, change, or engage, and idealism trades truth for an image, setting us up for disappointment when we inevitably encounter sin and brokenness. i have flirted with both, and truth-in-love is the balance i aim to strike…prophetic about calling the Church to her best self and loving despite her (and my!) flaws.
love the idea of digging into this all month:)
suzannah | the smitten word recently posted..peace of leaning into the light
Oh Suzannah, I could just eat your words, they hold such truth. I have so many scrambled writings about truth-in-love and I’ll definitely be going there in the next 31 days. I think you’re onto something there indeed and I love digging into it all as well.
What a meaty, weighty post. I waffle. I overdose on the church, sometimes; I’ll be honest. But you’re right: she’s the bride. Jesus loves her; who am I to roll my eyes at her…especially since I’m part of her? Did you read that recent post on cynicism by Ann Voskamp? Yeah, that messed w/ me a little.
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