You know the drill. We write for 5 minutes flat with no second guessing, backtracking, or overthinking. We write for the pleasure of the clacking keys and the release of our words.
I began this year with a blank screen and a burning desire to fill the pages with my story. This blog, born of many years of voices swirling in my mind, breaking free in narrative, inspired something new in me.
Freedom and if I’m honest, so much fear. And so my first official blog post was formed. I chose my one word 365, or rather it chose me.
For so many years, there have been layers of covering. Scars and sorrow and the ever present mask of self-sufficiency have disguised my sin, my disbelief, my weakness, my rebellion.
But this is the year, when that mask has begun to crumble, when I will be recovered in Him.
And God has used this passion to strip me. The process has begun.
Will I still write when there are no comments or likes or tweets?
Will I still trust Him when all things seem to go wrong and my body is fragile and weary?
Will my identity be found in Him and not in the page views on Google Analytics?
Will I speak the words that are truth to me or will I allow insecurity to plague and harass me with their slippery tongues?
Will I bathe in the gospel daily and let it cover this sin scourged soul like a healing salve?
Will I allow the words He has spoken to me to be my true story, and am I willing to follow Him wherever He leads me?
Will I let Him be the true author?
Will I let Him empty me to be filled with His story?
I pray and beg and plead that my answer will be yes. Yes, Lord. Help me to say yes.
Stop, now head over to gypsy mama to link up and enjoy other’s take on this weeks word.
Love this! And I share your prayers!
Beth recently posted..What Am I Supposed to Do?
Thanks Beth. This has been a tough year so far. I sometimes think I should have picked an easier word like rest.
Hi! I have felt these same things! While I know my heart is to write for Him – to share His Truth with those He brings to me, it’s funny how I can get caught up in stats and readers and comments (or lack thereof). Praise God that when we cling to Him He reminds us that none of that matters… and that if we will only be faithful to listen to Him and allow the Holy Spirit to use our talent and passion for words, He will show Himself faithful as the greatest encourager there is. Thank you for sharing your heart – I’m thrilled I found you at 5 Minute Fridays. May you be blessed in your journey, sister.
Thanks Elisha. I know it’s true and clinging is the part I fail at so often. It’s so easy to get distracted and allow the enemy to make you feel like you’re not really on the right track and your voice is just going out into the void for nothing. That has been the hardest part of blogging so far. I consider myself a pretty confident person in a lot of areas but this has exposed areas where I am really insecure and weak. I suppose that may be part of the reason I feel called to do it. God is at work in me. Thanks so much for visiting my blog and taking the time to comment. Blessings to you too as you continue with your passion and obedience to Him.
Alia, I’m listening.
I love you, Katie. Thanks.
Wow, I so relate to this. I started blogging at the beginning of the year because I felt moved to write, to be honest, to share my story. As soon as the first “click” on my blog happened, there was a shift…I realized that there was an audience, even if it was only an audience of one, and instead of my words being between me and God, there was another set of eyes.
There’s something so compelling now about looking at stats, and wondering why they go up and down. Your post reminded me to stay in touch with why I started writing in the first place.
Thank you for you.
Kim, I have been following your story on your blog. I especially loved the power of words. I wrote this post to myself because I need to constantly remind myself not to give in to those critical voices and trust God. I am glad it resonates with others too. Thanks for visiting my blog and for taking the time to leave a comment. We all need to remember why we started writing and cling to that.
“Will I let Him be the true author?”
This has been my prayer since I started my blog. I want so much for the words I pen to be HIS words. I am reminded by your words that even if one person is being touched by HIS words, the stats don’t matter. God isn’t concerned with stats.
Thank you!!!
Katie @ simply[his] recently posted..No Difference! (Fresh Brewed Sunday)
Katie, Thanks for visiting again, I’m glad to have you back. When I started I wasn’t concerned with stats at all. But then they started to climb and all of a sudden I had an audience and then the comparison started. Am I as good as these other blogs? Why can’t I write like them? Why doesn’t anyone comment? Why am I even doing this, does any of this even matter? And the devil is so tricky, because none of that mattered when I started and it certainly shouldn’t matter now. But I see that all of this is purging the insecurity that was there all along. God is using this to bring it to the surface so that He can help me overcome it and do this for His glory not my stats. I really relate to your post The Curse of Comparison. I wrote a very similar post awhile back and I think it’s so common and something we really have to be on guard about. Now to live it out.
Alia- Thanks- this meets me right where I am at!
(all blogging aside)
Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Stacey, I’m glad.
I LOVED this! My word this year is *thankful* and it is taking me on quite a journey. And I totally relate to your questions as I have been asking many of my own. I’m inspired to write … to share grace … and I have to remind myself daily that even if it is my story from my perspective … it’s not about me!
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..When My Story Touches Yours
Thanks Beth, thankful is a wonderful word that can change everything about your perspective. Love it. Yes, I started writing for all the right reasons, I just have to remind myself not to give up when I feel like my voice doesn’t matter, because it does, even if I’m just doing out of obedience and no one reads it.